


Wait, What!

by Skullsonanimals



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adorable Loki (Marvel), Aftermath of Torture, Also we ain't into paedophilia here, Also what's a teenager without aesthetic hipster shit, Deal With It, Frank Castle needs a hug, Frank gets to be a dad yay!, Frank's a soft boi, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), I'm obsessed with tagging, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Kid Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a soft boi, Lokitty, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Odin bashing, Odin is a shithead fight me, Oh look they gonna protect each other with their wholesome friendship, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Seriously somebody protect Frank, Somebody protect Loki, Strictly platonic shit, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Teen Loki, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Torture, We love dad Frank, We love some Platonic shit, Yes a full grown man is going to cuddle with a 16 yr old, oc loki, so....
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-07-03 14:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 27,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15820872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullsonanimals/pseuds/Skullsonanimals
Summary: Disclaimer! Of course I don't own Marvel if I did Loki would be more tortured.I am horrible at punctuation so please don't be to harsh. Though constructive criticism is always welcome.Hope you enjoy!





	1. WTF!!! a prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer! Of course I don't own Marvel if I did Loki would be more tortured.  
> I am horrible at punctuation so please don't be to harsh. Though constructive criticism is always welcome.  
> Hope you enjoy!

"Seriously!" yelled Tony, jumping up from his sofa and looking at his now broken window and scorched floors. Standing there like a god was Thor, red cape billowing like he had just come out of a cliche drama. Tony groaned "Seriously! Thor we have doors for a reason." he complained  
"I am Sorry, Man of Iron." said Thor, though he offered no explanation on why he didn't use the door. It was stormy outside which broadcast Thor's feelings quite well which makes sense considering he is the god of thunder and all that fancy shit. Thor moved and for the first time Tony noticed that he was carrying something or someone rather.  
"uhhh Thor who you got there?" asked Tony, not really wanting to know what he was about to be dragged into. Thor did not answer but he simply looked down at the bundled up person in his arms.  
"Would you summon our shield brethren, I do not wish to explain more than necessary." Said the god wearily  
"Uh sure thing... Jarv." Called Tony.  
"Already on it sir" replied the British AI.

"uh Thor, why don't you come and sit down, you look like shit." Said Tony gesturing to the couch Thor dutifully sat down cradling the person closer to his body. Can't be that comfortable for them considering the Armor. Tony looked mournfully down at his broken window and scorched floors and sighed rubbing his face.

"Oh and Jarvis call someone to replace the window." Said Tony  
"Alright sir." replied Jarvis. the elevator dinged  
"Jarvis told us that Thor's back?" said Steve before he had even left the elevator, behind him were Natasha, Clint, and Bruce. 

"yeah he's back alright, also broke one of my windows and has something to tell us and oh he's holding somebody like they are his child" said Tony

"Hi Thor, nice to see you back." Said Bruce calmly.  
"Nice to be back friend Banner." Said Thor.  
"Thor, what's this all about who are you holding?" Asked Natasha, going straight to business like usual. Clint had wandered off somewhere but had come back with a glass of soda which he was now drinking.  
Thor sighed, "My friends, I must beg of you to not do or say anything until I have explained fully, please withhold you judgement. You are not going to like this news." Said Thor.  
the other Avengers all looked at each other wearily before they all found somewhere to sit, all thinking that it was best that they sat down.  
Thor sighed again.  
"Upon our return to Asgard, my brother was escorted by the guards to the dungeons, where he would wait for his hearing and sentencing. after two nights he was escorted chained and muzzled to the throne, where Fa-Odin dulled out his punishment. He sentenced for the rest of Loki's life to be spent in a prison where one aesir a day could come and take out their pain on him. This went on until recently when Mother intervened and convinced Odin that the punishment did not fit the crime, she convinced Odin to change his sentencing and he did." Thor said he was interrupted however by Clint who was scowling.  
"The punishment did not fit the crime! That bastard deserves all the pain he can get!" Said Clint outraged.  
"You do not know of what you speak! My brother is innocent of his crimes to your world, all he is guilty of is the damage he caused to Jotunheim, and his mutiny to the throne of Asgard!" Yelled Thor back. The person in his arms made a noise and Thor instantly cradled them closer shushing them. When the person had calmed down he glared up at Clint.  
"Thor? What do you mean Loki is innocent?" Asked Bruce calmly, though he did look a little pale and a little green around the edges. Thor released a calming breath closing his eyes to regain his control he looked at Bruce.  
"It was found, shortly after Loki arrived on Asgard, that the invasion was not of his doing but rather a being named Thanos. Loki was being mind controlled." Said Thor  
"Who's Thanos?" Asked Steve.  
"He is a mad Titan that lives in a world between realms, in the void." Said Thor.  
"Why was Lokes in the void then?" Asked Tony.  
"There was a fight and he fell." Said Thor, and man was that an over simplification.  
"Thor, please continue you're story, what was the new sentence?" asked Bruce. Thor sighed and shifted.  
"The Allfather transformed Loki, made him around the equivalent of 15 in midgardian years, he was to remember nothing from his older self except for a handful of the tortures he still gets in his dreams, And then three days later once he was used to everything once more he was banished." Said Thor, there was silence, and then Natasha broke it with the question they all wanted to ask.  
"who are you holding Thor?" She asked knowing full well who it was  
"I am holding Loki." Said Thor shifting the bundle so they could now see the skinny face of the now teen-aged god.


	2. I need a drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I do not own Marvel.

There was silence which was broken by Loki snorting and rolling around in Thor's arms.  
"I need a drink." Said Tony rubbing his face, he got up and went to do just that and  
Nat got up to follow him. Clint sat silent, though you could see a vein throbbing away on his forehead, which can't be good for you.  
"Thor, how is Loki sleeping? I mean we haven't been exactly quite" asked Bruce. Thor looked down at Loki and a small smile bloomed on his face though it was a fairly sad smile.   
"The healers gave him a potion before we left to keep him calm, and while it may not cause sleep, it seems to have calmed Loki enough for him to find rest." Thor explained. Silence fell once again everybody taking everything in.   
Clint got up and stormed out without a word, and Tony and Nat came back in both holding a glass Tony's holding an Amber liquid and Nat's holding something clear "you know what? Thor your dad is a fucking asshole! Jarvis!" Yelled Tony.  
"Yes sir?"   
"Set up a room for Rock of ages, and reindeer games. You know order food to stock the fridge with and everything that someone needs to live like a human being, oh also what free rooms do i have?" Tony asked  
"There are three empty guest rooms two by your room and one by Captain Rogers." said Jarvis.  
"Alright the two by my room it is then."  
Tony gulped down a good portion of his drink, Thor was staring at him.  
"Man of iron I will not forget this kindness and neither shall Loki, we will forever be in your Dept." Said Thor, Tony waved him off.  
"Don't mention it... No seriously don't, I have a reputation to uphold." Said Tony,   
"You know what? why dont you go down there now, tuck Lokes in, read him a bed time story and all that jazz." Tony laughed without humour, and a bit like an insane man, or you know like a man in shock which is exactly what's happening.   
"Tony, are you sure it's a good idea to have Loki so close to you?" Asked Steve, but Tony just ignored him.  
"C'mon I'll even give you a little tour." Said Tony he drank the rest of his drink and accepted the bottle that suddenly appeared in Nat's hand, he poured himself some more and drank it all in one go before putting his glass down. Thor stood and Loki's arm flopped off of his own chest and fell to the side now dangling limply. Tony showed them to their rooms, which just happened to be connected via doors. Inside the room was a desk, a large bed, and a door leading to the bathroom, and a little space of a kitchen eqquiped with a fridge, a trash can, a sink, a microwave and a stove. Tony left them so Thor could have some privacy with Loki. Thor stripped his brother of his armor and uncomfortable leathers, leaving him in his too long tunic which came to his knees. he tucked his brother in and decided it was best to be there when Loki woke up, so he laid down on the bed next to Loki and tried his best to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happened in this chapter... I think I'm gonna set a certain day for updates but idk which day yet probably a weekend. Also tags may change later on.


	3. Where am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is going to be in Loki's pov. in a 1st person pov. Also nothing really happens in this chapter

There was somebody next to me, somebody large and warm. I shifted turning onto my side slowly and opened my eyes so i could see this person.  
It was Thor, though not my Thor, old Thor the one that insists on telling me lies, as if I wouldn't be able to tell, I am after all the god of lies, it wouldn't make any sense if i couldn't tell when someone was lying to me, especially when someone was lying to me so obviously.  
The god of thunder my brother was taking up almost all of the bed leaving me almost falling off the edge. I sighed apparently Thor hasn't changed as much as i thought.  
I sat up, the blanket that was brought up around my shoulders falling into my lap. I quietly got out of the bed, and found that i was in nothing but my too large green tunic, I do love the color green. the ground was cold but it did not bother me, the cold has never bothered me just another reason I am so different from the others.  
I looked around realizing that i did not recognize where i was. Everything was so different so sterile looking, I looked back at Thor,  
Thor must know where we are after all we are both here.  
'unless we were kidnapped' I thought suddenly panicked 'no no no Thor is too mighty to be kidnapped unlike me, Thor must know where we are, right?' i thought trying to reason with myself I rounded to the other side of the bed needing to know. I shook Thor's arm  
"Thor Thor" I called quietly "Brother wake up" I said the god stirred, opening his eyes he glared at me for waking him.  
"Thor where are we, have we been kidnapped?" I asked desperately, Thor's face crunched in confusion before understanding dawned, he sat up.  
"Oh brother no we have not been kidnapped, we are on Midgard in my friends home." said Thor  
"The mighty Man of Iron, do you remember me telling you of him?" He asked.  
"oh yes, i remember, silly me." I said self consciously I did not want to ask why we were here in case it made me sound daft and stupid. I wrapped my arms around myself,  
"are mother and father here?" I asked  
"no brother. did you sleep alright, no nightmares?" asked Thor, I shook my head, it was something to be happy about considering the weird scary dreams I have been having the past 3 days but weird is to be expected when someone suddenly awakes in the future.  
"Are you hungry brother?" asked Thor, breaking me from my thoughts.  
"No." I said. this was all very weird and overwhelming I mean one minute I am sitting in mothers garden, reading a book about spells and the next minute I'm lying in a healers bed with the worried eyes of a much older mother staring down at me. Even she would not tell me the truth it is all so frustrating.

"Jarvis what is the time?" Asked Thor too seemingly no one, that is until a British voice comes out of nowhere.

"It is 6:30 am. Mr Odinson" 

I flinched, looking around rapidly for where the voice had come from. I reached for my knife only to remember that it was not there.

Thor chuckled. 

"Do not worry Loki, Jarvis is a spirit that lives in Stark's tower." Said Thor, I looked at him skeptically.

"I am not a spirit Mr odinson I am an artificial intelligence of Sirs design." Said the British man "also Captain Rogers requests your joined presence for breakfast" he added. I looked to Thor nervously but he smiled care free. 

"Well come on brother we must get dressed the Captains Pancakes are truelly delicious." He said excitedly hurrying out of the bed. I watched him and tilted my head in confusion. "Pancakes?" I asked.

"Just wait until you see brother" Said Thor hurrying about me getting clothed into midgardian clothes. I sighed and began looking for my clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it might be awhile before I update again because I'm going to be to stressed and distracted to write anything and  
> My grandma just died and so I'm going to take some mourning time.


	4. Awkward AF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to post. It's actually been in draft for a while but I haven't had the means to upload it till now.

I pulled on the last of my leathers shifting slightly, nervous, and self conscious.  
"We will be needing to get you some midgardian garbs so you can fit in." Remarked Thor. I tugged on my leathers slightly offended, and confused, but I did not speak. It was practical, I should look like a midgardian for as long as I am here after all, for however long that is.  
"Must I really attend this pancake eating?" I asked quietly dreading this, Thor laughed.  
"Of course Brother. You will not regret it!" Said Thor confidently, but everything he does he does with confidence as is the way with Thor.  
'what if they think me weird, I am weird and it would be valid thought, what if I can't hide my weirdness.' I thought and I blessed the Norns that I felt as comfortable as I could in my body because I had not yet mastered my seidr and sometimes it gets away from me and does things I wish it would not. We left the room and made our way to a pair of metal sliding doors. I wish I had my knives, or at least some sort of weapon. Thor did something and the doors slid open revealing a small metal room, Thor stepped in so I followed the doors slid closed behind me and we started moving down, I staggered startled pressing myself against the wall. Thor chuckled "this is an elevator, it is a metal room that moves up and down."  
I gulped and tried to collect myself realising how foolish I must look and seem and I did not want to make a bad impression on Thor's friends, that would lead to me being bullied and I do hope I won't be. I do hope they won't be like the Warriors three and Lady Sif. The "Elevator" doors slid open, and I tried my best to breath. I cocked my chin up, and straightened my spine. 'Look like the prince you are' I thought, reminding my self that princes do not know fear. 'Be Thor' I thought, and speaking of Thor. Thor slapped his hands down on my shoulders, hard, and he lead my reluctant self out of the elevator. I could see and hear Thor's friends and I couldn't help but try to hide myself behind Thor's hulking frame, after all I was thin enough to be completely hidden behind Thor, and nobody is taller than Thor. A woman with shockingly red hair spotted us first, though she said nothing. She was scary looking and I knew without a doubt that she could kill me before I even knew what was happening . She looked like she could be a Valkyrie. The 2nd person to notice us before we had fully stepped into the room was a man sitting at the table with a book and a cup of tea. He had tanned skin and curly hair. He smiled, "Good morning Thor, Loki." Said the man, his face faltering slightly on my name for some reason. I shyly smiled back, this man also scared me, but I could not say why, he just felt off, never trust the gentlest looking person, because it is very likely that it is all a lie. "Good morning friend Banner. Btother, this is Bruce Banner, he's the formidable Hulk." Boomed Thor. At the mention of The Hulk, Banners face spasmed before his smile grew slightly strained. Now I know where my unease was coming from, Thor had told me of The Hulk, though how this small man becomes such a fearsome beast is beyond me. I gulped as Banner and Thor's talking had attracted the attention of the other men in the room. "Hey! Buddy! Sleep well? How about you reindeer games?" Asked a strange man, who was holding a mug, the man was wearing a stained white sleeveless top and he had a goatee, the strangest thing about him is the glowing blue disc in the middle of his chest. "We slept well, Man of Iron!" Boomed Thor. This man did not look like he was made of metal. "Just Tony, rock of ages." Said the man. The last man in the room was by the stove shoveling something round and brown onto plates. He turned around "Good morning Thor, Loki, you came just in time. Barton won't be joing us." There was tense silence. "I'm Steve Rogers." Introduced the muscular blonde. "Loki of Asgard." I answered dutifully. "'come on enough of this proper shit, let's eat already." Complained Tony "Language!" Scolded Steve, Thor chuckled and lead me to the table. He sat and I picked the chair next to him which just happened to be next to the scary woman who hadn't stopped staring at me. I shifted awkwardly, looking at her but avoiding her eyes... She was very beautiful like a siren, sirens lead men to their deaths. "Hello I am prince Loki of Asgard" I introduced myself. Her eyes flashed before her head tilted, she looked me up and down. "Natasha" she said. Steve placed the food on the table and Tony whistled. "Woah! Chill Widow, he's not going to die if you stare hard enough" said Tony. "Tony!" Scolded Steve, Tony rolled his eyes. I shifted with a frown, 'why would she want me dead? Was I already screwing everything up? I knew I would eventually but this was a new record.' a tense silence fell, full of awkward shared looks, I decided to break it. "What are Pancakes?"


	5. Long and uneventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty uneventful so sorry for that.  
> Hopefully more will happen next chapter but I can't promise that it will be.

The pancakes were good, the awkward interactions between Thor's friends, not so good. Bruce and Natasha didn't speak, Steve just sort of ignored me, and Tony focused to much on me. I wish I don't have to attend anymore eating affairs, though according to Thor, we also have to join them for dinner and a movie, which Thor said was like a moving painting. I still had to meet Barton, but when ever he was mentioned everybody would get really tense, so I wasn't really looking forward to meeting him, though I do wonder why they react the way they do.  
Right now, I am sitting all by myself in the room I woke up in. Thor left to go spar with Steve, though how that man had any hope of beating Thor, is beyond me.  
Anyway, I am very bored. It was also hot in this room with all of my leathers, and suddenly midgardian clothes have gotten pretty appealing.  
"Mr Odinson, Sir has asked for your presence in the common room." Said the British voice from the ceiling. I only flinched a little this time. I let out a shaky breath, everything was just wearing on me, I stood up and left the room. I got in the elevator and looked around uselessly.  
"If I may, Mr Odinson, but how about I take you to the common room?" Asked Jarvis, I blushed.  
"Yes... Please, thank you Jarvis." I said awkwardly.  
The metal room started moving up and came to a stop, the doors sliding open.  
"Ah! There u are!" Exclaimed Tony, Natasha was there as well. I stepped out and made my way towards them.  
"Hello." I said awkwardly.  
"You need new clothes, and while I would normally just buy some online, you have never tried earthian clothes and therefore do not know what you like." Said Tony, Natasha looked at him sharply, "that's why I'm here?" She asked, Tony nodded. "What makes you think I know anything about clothes?" She crossed her arms her brow arched up. "You're a spy, and I could say some bullshit about you being a girl but we both know that being a girl doesn't mean anything about style. If anything goes... Weird, than you could handle it." Said Tony, with a pointed look at me, I frowned slightly, wrapping my arms around my torso and I shifted my feet. Natasha sighed, "Whatever." She grabbed my upper arm and dragged me out and onto the elevator. I gulped as I stumbled over my feet. Once we were out of the building we got into a strange contraption with wheels, and a man sitting inside behind another wheel. I did not ask Natasha what this was, because that would leave me open to tricks and bullying. So I sat silently, my hands in my lap as I stared out the window. Midgard has changed a lot since the last time I visited. The last time I was here was I believe in the 1850's. I had found a secret passage between Asgard and Midgard, though Heimdall had caught me and I wasn't aloud back. I am not sure how long it has been since then. Asgard, on the other hand, has not changed at all, the only thing that has changed are the faces, and the nightmares, but yes, Midgard has changed Asgard hasn't. Soon Midgard will surpace Asgard and the allfather would not like that. The vehicle stopped moving, and I stopped zoning out. We were in front of a building. Natasha got out of the vehicle, and I followed, closing the door. The vehicle drove off, leaving us on the sidewalk. Natasha sighed, she walked forward towards the store. The large doors slid open when we got closer. I tried to hide my flinch, but I dont think I was very successful, but Natasha didn't say anything, though I doubt she missed it, she does not strike me as the type to miss anything easily. The store was huge and busy with people, it was crowded with clothes and the occasional fake person, which seemed to be modeling clothes. Natasha faced me, with a brief look around she spoke. "Buy as many clothes that you want. You're to tall for the kids section, but you might be to skinny for the men's, but we'll see." She said. Pointing towards the men's section. "Go crazy, changing rooms are there." She said, gesturing to the changing rooms. She went to walk away but I stopped her. "Aren't you supposed to be watching me?" I asked. She crossed her arms over her chest. "I dont need to be close to watch you." She stated, before walking off. I sighed and looked around, my shoulders hitching up the more I took in. I took a big breath of air, before letting my mask fall into place, my shoulders fell, seemingly relaxed, and I made my way to the men's section. The men's clothes weren't terribly exciting, and I have absolutely no idea what size I am. I saw a pair of pants in a black material, it was labeled "black skinny jeans." I picked a pair I think would fit me, but I also grabbed a pair one size lower and one size up. I moved quickly towards the shirts, because a man had started walking towards me, though he did not follow me into the shirts section so he must've not been approaching me and rather was approaching the pants. I looked at the shirts, there were shirts with short sleeves both plain and ones with designs on them. I do not wear shirts that show my much to skinny arms, people already know I'm weak, but they don't need to see the lack of muscle as well. I came upon the shirts with long sleeves. There were ones with buttons down the front, knit ones some plain and some with stripes, there were ones that had a thin stretchy fabric and ones with thick fabric. I picked a green and black striped knit shirt, a black thick one, a green plain knit and a green button down. 'I wonder if they would think me weird if I only wear two colors.' I thought and with a nod I picked a blue and grey button and thick shirt. My arms were piled high with clothes, the shirts all large. I peered over my bundle, following the sign that says Changing rooms. There were little rooms, people walking in and out of them, I observed until I understood the process, and I commandeered a empty room, closing and locking the door. I nervously stripped avoiding looking in the mirror. I tried on the jeans, the first pair were to big, so I tried the size higher, which was still a little to big around my waist and made them hang low on my hips, but the length was perfect so I'm stuck with this size. I tried on all the shirts all were to big, which I liked because it hid my body, and I could tuck away my hands. I left the jeans that did not fit in the room, and got changed back into my old clothes, and I went and got more of the jeans that fit. Natasha found me. "Are you sure Sir Tony would not mind me buying so many clothes?" I asked her nervously. "The man has more money than he should, he wont even notice this amount of money gone from his bank." Said Natasha matter of factly. She thrusted the basket she was holding towards me and I peered inside, there was only one thing in there and it was a box of mens underwear, I blushed. I put my things in the basket and with a bit of inspection from Natasha, she frowned, I felt a pang of anxiety. "you should get a belt, short sleeves, socks and shoes." She said, some of the anixety i felt melted away. I grabbed two short sleeved shirts 1 black 1 dark green, the same shade as all of my other green clothes. She helped me pick out shoes which were a pair of boots and a thing called Vans. I grabbed a black belt and some socks, and we began our way to pay for it all. Along the way we passed the womens section, and as we're walking past I spot the most beautiful dress I have ever seen, besides mother's dresses. It was dark green, and very long it had a high collar and no sleeves (which surprisingly were not a negative.) It was quite simple, but it just called out to me, so before I had time to think about what I was doing, I snatched it, with a blur I shoved it into my interdimensionale pocket, and I hurried to catch up to Natasha, though when I did she gave me a strange look, but since she didn't say anything I I assume she didn't notice me. We waited in a long line before Natasha paid for my clothes with Tony's money, I must repay him. When we exited the building, the vehicle was waiting outside once more, so we got in and drove off.


	6. all secrets will be revealed if you click on this... oooh darn you missed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter I know.   
> I wanted to pace it out before I got to some more dramatic scenes because I hate when stories move to fast but sadly I don't think I'll be able to.   
> I don't know if it will make the story move to fast but I hope it won't.

It had been an hour since Natasha and I had gone shopping. My clothes had been taken somewhere to get washed, and Natasha had left for her own floor. When I had entered my room on the bed was a black, flat, rectangular object.  
"Jarvis, what is this object?" I had asked, and Jarvis had told me it was a Stark pad and then he proceeded to teach me how to use it, which took an hour to learn which leads me to now. Searching up everything I could about Midgard, because I hate feeling confused and I hate asking questions because i'm usually mocked or lied to. I found funny videos of cats, dogs and other such house hold animals. Also these things called vines, and memes, I spent hours learning everything I can about modern day Midgard. I have spent about 30 minutes scrolling through news articles when I came across. "Hell's Kitchen still reeling 1 year after The Invasion." I frowned, 'an invasion' I wondered. So I clicked on the article, there was a loud bang as Thor opened the door, I jumped, almost falling off the bed, I dropped the pad and glared at Thor, willing my heart to slow down.  
"Thor! Knock!" I yelled, scolding the blonde man. "To wonder how you ave gotten so old but still do not know how to knock!" I exclaimed.  
"My apologies brother. Dinner is ready." Said Thor, I gulped and sighed.  
"Very well then." I said turning of the pad and righting it on the bed. I stepped out of the room, not seeing Thor pick up the pad, turning it on, frowning and clicking out of the article.

I picked at my food it did not look very appetizing, truthfully I had no appetite right now, all I wanted to do was finish my research. Realizing I could not leave until I finished eating I sucked it up and shoved the food into my mouth, my stomach rolling. once the last forkful was in my mouth I shoved the plate away from me. I looked up  
"May I be excused?" I asked, the men and woman shared looks, before Tony nodded.  
"uh sure, Lokes." He said, I bowed my head in thanks before hurrying away, not sparing Thor a glance.  
When I entered my room I bee lined for the Stark pad and I turned it on. I frowned, the article wasn't there. I sat on the bed and pulled up the search bar,  
"Hells Kitchen Invasion." I wrote hitting the search button, after a second of loading it showed up, or rather, it should've shown up except it didn't except it was saying that there was no such thing. Nothing came up, nothing that was real anyway, and definitely not the article I had been about to look at. I typed in different words.  
"Invasion." nothing, "Hells Kitchen." only stuff about the crime rates showed up, nothing about an invasion, but I am 90 percent certain I had not imagined it.  
"Jarvis?" I asked,  
"yes sir?"  
"Can you tell me about an invasion that happened in New York?" I asked  
"I am afraid not sir, seeing as there was never an invasion." Said the British voice, I frowned putting down the pad.  
"really?" I asked  
"yes, If there was that would be very unfortunate for everybody." replied Jarvis. I frowned in confusion and sighed, putting down the Stark Pad. 'I could've sworn it was there, but why would the spirit lie to me.' I wondered, it wouldn't be the first person to lie to me, not just for my whole life but especially recently. Everything is getting frustrating, Thor treating me as if nothing is amiss, though he is much nicer than he once was, when I knew him, though he seemed to be dumber, no not dumber, Naive. I stood up and started pacing, 'who is Barton and why do they react the way they do when he is mentioned.' I wondered. Everything I wondered coming to mind, all unanswered questions that I am to much of a coward to ask. Though I don't believe that they would tell me the truth about anything at least relating to the weirdness going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I am done with this story I'm probs going to edit it so much!


	7. OH SHIT!

It's been a very uneventful week, consisting of more awkward dinners, lunches, and breakfasts. I don't see why we have to always eat together, I feel overly watched, anxious and like my skin crawling, and so far I've been pretty lucky, that I haven't felt like a girl yet. I mean I've felt like a they, and whenever someone addressed me with male pronouns I've felt horrible, but other than that I've been lucky, so of course today I feel like a girl.  
I woke up in a girls body my hair longer than normal. I don't look very different when I am a girl, besides the obvious anatomy change, but I don't have large breasts, I'm not curvy, I'm the same height. Just I've softened around the edges, I just look like a girly boy basically. I wish I was as beautiful as mother, she's a very beautiful woman, but it does not surprise me I don't resemble her at all when I am a girl considering I normally don't.  
It took me four seconds before I started panicking. "Miss are you okay?" Asked Jarvis, as I hyperventilated.  
"I'm okay. don't call me miss!" I commanded weakly. My voice was higher, but still deep for a girl.  
"Are you sure?" Asked Jarvis, I'm not sure to which thing he was talking about but my answer would be the same either way.  
"Yes." I said.  
"Alright." Said Jarvis apprehensively. I sat up brushing my hair out of my face with a shaking hand,  
"Okay okay this is okay, I can fix this nobody needs to know." I said out loud, trying to reassure myself. I can of course shift back to my boy body, but it would only work for so long, and it would take a lot of energy but I only need to leave my room three times, for 30 minutes top.  
"I can do this." I said moving me legs off the bed I stood, stretching shakily I padded over to the mirror staring into it at my body. While I still look somewhat like a boy, this body still feels so much better than my boy body, right now and just thinking of changing back makes me feel horrible it makes my skin itch and my stomach flip, but it must be done, no one can know.  
"Captain Rogers requests you for breakfast." Said Jarvis, I noticed the lack of Sir, and couldn't help but feel some gratitude. A thought occurred to me.  
"You won't tell Tony will you?" I asked,  
"I can not keep secrets from Sir but I won't unless he asks." Said Jarvis and I sighed, I suppose that's the best I could get.  
"tell Captain Rogers I'll be down in a few minutes." I said.  
"Alright." Said Jarvis before falling silent once more. I stared back at myself before closing my eyes and began changing my body back, I clenched my fists until my fingers ached and I felt a sticky wet warmth under my nails. I opened my eyes when I felt a final shift as everything changed back. I released my fists and blood trickled lazily down at my numb hanging fingers, there were tears on my cheeks as I stared hatefully at my body. I sniffed and turned abruptly hating how my body moved, the extra bits, I hated it.  
I went to the bathroom washing the blood off my hands as the deep crescent moon shapes began to heal.  
"Are you okay?" Asked Jarvis, I nodded, not wanting to hear my voice. I headed to breakfast, and didn't speak through the whole meal.  
The shape shifting felt weird, like a pressure pushing out through my skin until it would pop and give and I would be back in the body that felt right. It's not like that when I shift Into any other form, I could become a cat, a dog, and it wouldn't feel like that unless I was in the wrong gender.  
As soon as I was back in my room I let myself shift back, I sighed in pleasure. I rolled my neck and stretched out my back.  
I locked the door, being cautious. I grabbed my Stark Pad pulled up the current book I was reading, Harry Potter The Prisoner of Azkaban, and I laid down on my bed, on my stomach as I started reading.  
I'm not sure how long I had been reading before a red light started flashing along with a very loud alarm. I jerked in alarmed surprise, I sat waiting, the alarm cut off along with the lights and then there was a knock at my door. Crap, I didn't have enough time to shift. I grabbed the blanket off my bed, cringing slightly at the mess it caused. I pulled it around my shoulders until it was completely hiding my body and I hurried to the door cracking it open and making sure Thor couldn't see me properly I deepened my voice.  
"Yes?" I asked. The muscular blonde behemoth, looked at me confused and curiously. before launching into his answer.  
"There is a creature attacking New York, we must all fight, including Dr Banner, you'll be alone." He said quickly before hurrying off to fight. I sighed, slightly worried for his safety, and the safety of the others. Hey what can I say, I've grown fond of them, though it doesn't seem that my feelings are recuperated by anyone but Tony.  
I closed the door letting the blanket fall to the ground in a pile, I turned, and began picking up the mess I had made in my panicked hurry.  
Once I was done I peered out my window to see if I could see the battle but I saw nothing so it must be happening on the other side of the building. I wonder what is attacking New York, I guess I could get Thor to tell me later.  
I turned towards my bed sitting down on the reset covers I picked up the Stark pad and I pulled back up Harry Potter, to past the time, but I proved to distracted to pay attention and not wanting to miss anything I closed Harry potter and pulled Youtube to watch Forgotten Vines, Makeup tutorials that make me wish I had makeup to make myself look as beautiful as these women, and I watched music videos, when I found a song I liked I would put it into my playlist. Jarvis should me how.  
I also looked up slang, and different common things that teenagers said in america.  
like Lit AF, cool, savage, woke and gucci. Teenagers are very strange apparently.  
By the time the Avengers had finished with everything I had made myself a Tumblr, and Pinterest, I quite like Tumblr, though it is a bit depressing, I did not know that teenagers are very depressed, and anxious, it makes me feel slightly better that while i may not be like Asgardian teenagers, I am like Midgardian teenagers.  
Teenagers also apparently have bad coping mechanisms, but who am I to judge. All this distracting has made me forget to eat, oh well I am not very hungry anyway.  
"The Avengers are back, Loki." Reported Jarvis breaking me from my Tumblr obsession.  
I looked up at the ceiling, where I could hear Jarvis's speakers.  
"And they are okay?" I asked,  
"Yes." Said Jarvis I sighed in relief and putting down the Stark pad I stood and stretched preparing myself. I stepped in front of the mirror and closed my eyes. Shifting back, it was slightly easier this time but once the boy body was in place it felt even worse then before. I shook myself and scowled, scratching my arm with blunt nails.  
I let out a not really calming breath, and I headed out of my room and onto the elevator.  
"Jarvis where is Thor?" I asked,  
"In the common room." Replied Jarvis.  
"Can you take me there?" I asked,  
"Of course." Replied the AI, the elevator started moving upwards. The elevator came to a stop and with a ding the doors opened and I stepped out, and ran right into a man.  
"oof" I said stumbling back, I looked at the man. I've never met him, but according to his face he's met me and he doesn't seem to quite like me. Probably has something to do with the lies and secrets.  
The man's face was stony, I gulped and stuck out my hand. "Hello I am Loki Prince of Asgard and you are?" I asked, he looked down at my hand his face scrunching up in anger before he looked up at my face. "Barton." He said, Oh Barton. before his fist shot out and there was a crack and a wave of pain as I staggered back, his fist having made contact with my nose, which was now bleeding. I clutched at my nose in pain, I looked up with tearing eyes to see he was gone, good. I could feel my shape blip before I forced it to settle.  
Suddenly I was angry, very angry, but not at this mysterious Barton. I straightened, "Jarvis show me to Thor." I demanded, my voice steely.  
Jarvis led me to the common room where Thor was, and when I entered the room I noticed that it wasn't just Thor in the room, as Natasha, and Steve were in there but I didn't really care.  
"Brother are you okay?" Asked Thor alarmed when he saw me, I stormed over and hit him hard in the stomach.  
"Tell me the truth now! I am sick of the lies, of the secrets! Oh and I met Barton, seems like a really nice guy!" I screamed at Thor hitting him again.  
"Shit." Said Steve before leaving.  
"Barton did this?" Asked Thor,  
"Yes now answer my questions!" I demanded.  
"You were sick, very sick and we had to put you in a magically induced coma." Said Thor,  
"Lie! that's a lie! Brother do you think me stupid!?! I am the god of lies! I can tell when I am being lied to!" I screamed hitting him again and again.  
"Brother! please, calm yourself!" Said Thor. Him calling me brother just wanted to make me scream louder and cry.  
"Don't tell me to calm myself! I have every right to be pissed, especially when it causes my nose to be broken." I screamed.  
"Brother..." Started Thor before I snapped interrupting him.  
"STOP CALLING ME BROTHER! I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER!" I screamed, Thor gasped.  
"Brother why..." He didn't have time to finish that though before I screamed, the pressure had been building, and it all just let out with a pop, like I said it would. There was a ringing in my ear as I curled up and screamed loudly, it felt like I was bursting. Is this was being a bubble feels like, when you finally pop. slowly sound returned and I looked around, there was an alarm going off, and it looked like a minor bomb had gone off. Everything was knocked back and turned over, the walls and ground were scorched, laying dazedly was Thor who was slowly sitting up, Natasha peaked over an overturned couch, and stared at me.  
I looked around with wide eyes, "brother?" asked Thor, I looked at him then down at myself. Ah I see, I was a girl. A door was banged open as the others stormed in ready for a fight, they spotted me and they froze, but I lurched into motion. Running quickly adrenaline, coursing through my veins. I don't know how but I am outside now.  
The streets are lit and the sky is dark. The adrenaline was beginning to leave my body and I looked around panicking. Oh Shit!


	8. I am so confused!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a break from Loki, sorry Loki.   
> 3rd person POV

"Okay I am so confused, what the hell just happened?" Asked Tony, his Iron man suit was off now, and he was looking at the mess of the common room.  
"I was gone for like 3 minutes and Loki has totally just wrecked my tower, in a panic attack?" Said Tony, turning and looking at Thor and Natasha. Thor was standing now and Natasha was confused, but was hiding it quite well like she does.   
"Thor, why was Loki a girl?" Asked Natasha.  
"Wait he was, I didn't notice." Said Tony, Steve was wandering tiding up what he could but when he heard this he looked up, with a frown of confusion.  
Thor sighed rubbing his head. "I thought she would feel comfortable enough to tell me eventually. Last time I found out on accident, and they never let me see again though I knew it still happened." He said in a dejected tone.  
"So Loki's genderfluid?" Asked Natasha,  
"Genderfluid?" Asked Thor.  
"It's a person who switches between genders, I knew someone who said it was like a light dimmer, one day they would be they're biological gender which was female, and then the next they would feel like well a they and the next they would feel like a man, all with varying degrees." Said Natasha.   
"Oh." Said Thor looking off into the distance.  
"Thor shouldn't we be looking for Loki?" Asked Steve.   
"Oh no just let her cool down, I'll have Jarvis make sure she isn't wreaking havoc, or in any mortal danger." Said Tony, waving off Steve's worry.   
"Now big guy, go sit." Said Tony turning on Thor, pushing him towards a now upright recliner. Thor obediently plopped down into it, Tony hovered worriedly.   
"You're sure you're okay?" Asked Tony, worried for Thor's well being, after all he did take quite a hit.   
"Yes I am fine." Responded Thor fondly. Tony smiled, and patted the mans arm, man was he muscular. Thought Tony.  
Natasha picked up the turned over couch and sat down, Steve following her.   
"Man this is a mess." Said Steve with a sigh,  
"It was to be expected, Loki's frustrated, and apparently we've all been misgendering her for lord knows how long." Said Natasha reasonably. "and her amount of control over her magic has to be altered now that she is a teen and knows less on the subject than she did when we met them." She said.   
"Speaking of frustrated, did you find Barton?" Tony asked Steve.   
"No." Said Steve with a tired sigh. rubbing his forehead.   
"It warms my heart, the way you are responding to all of this, even though it has caused you trouble" said Thor.   
"Yeah well, you're our friend and this is your baby sibling, and you love her. so of course we're going to care." Said Tony.  
"Though we haven't been doing a very good job of showing her we care." Remarked Natasha.   
"Yeah" Said Steve ruefully.  
"Speak for yourselves I have been nothing but friendly." Said Tony, "Wait shit should we even be calling Loki, Loki? what if we're dead naming her?" he said in a sudden panic.   
"we'll ask her when she gets back until then I think its safe to keep calling her Loki" Said Natasha.   
Tony sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.   
"if she's not back in 30 minutes, we'll go looking for her. Jarvis keep an eye on her" said Tony  
"already done, Sir." Said the British AI. for a computer Jarvis, felt very human, he was worried for her, he had grown quite fond of her and her shy curiosity.  
"So now we wait." Said Steve, the room fell silent and they all stared at nothing waiting for the minutes to tic by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a friend that explained Genderfluid to me like that when I had asked how it feels, so yeah.


	9. Distractions are a girls best friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in Loki's Pov.  
> Trigger warning for attempted rape

So I'm fucked. That was the only thing going through my head at this moment, like holy shit, how are they going to except me back?  
Do I even want to go back?  
Okay, where the hell am I. I looked around, somehow I couldn't see the tower anymore.  
I seemed to be in a neighborhood of sorts, everything was dirty and breaking though so not a well off neighborhood. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my chest, slightly surprised about the breasts in the way. I tried forcing back my boy body but it only left me gasping and the world spinning, with black dots dancing across my vision.  
"not a good idea." I said aloud. there wasn't really anybody outside of their houses and their were only a few cars out on this street. It was creepy, and I don't feel very safe.  
I need to focus on how to get back, later when I know where I am I can think on what I am going to say for them to take me back, I suppose it ought to be sufficiently humiliating and full of lies. I sighed, I need to focus on this otherwise I am going to freak the fuck out and I can do that when I am safe.  
I passed by the houses, they weren't really houses they were more large buildings that housed many people all on different floors. I was passing by a dark lane between two of the buildings when I spotted the tower. I stopped and back tracked, I could see it just the top of it from this distance and position. I entered the dark alley, I need to get to high ground, I thought before looking around, I spotted ladders coming off the sides of the building so with a jump I pulled down on the ladders and I climbed up the rusting metal structure, up ladder after ladder till I had reached the roof top. I stood on top of the tall building, I could see the tower now. I must not be super far away then.  
I mapped out which way I had to go to get to the building, and with a sigh I started climbing back down. my feet hit the cold wet cobble with a splash, I don't really want to know what it was. I wiped my hands off on my jeans, which now were bagging awkwardly around the crotch, and was slightly to tight around the hips. Suddenly there was a beefy hand curling around my waist pulling me back, I stumbled and quickly turned shoving the man away from me.  
"get your hands off me!" I shouted, the man was smirking, his lip curling up at the corner.  
"Oh now don't be like that." He said, he stank of alcohol and vomit. He started walking back towards me and I backed away, my back hitting the wet building.  
"Whats a beautiful girl like you doing in Hells Kitchen?" He asked crowding into me, Hell's Kitchen huh. he leaned closer, his breath stank and his hands which were back on my body were roaming, not again I thought with dread and panic. I was about to do something, I don't know push him back but with all of my aesir strength. use my sedir, but I didn't come to that because next thing I knew there was a object behind the man which his him hard in the head and the man was crumbling forward onto me before he was caught and carelessly tossed to the side, his head making a sickening crack against the cobble. There was another man, my savior I don't know. He was tall and big, his head was covered by a black hood, and in his hands was a weapon of some sort I believe it was called a gun, it was a small gun though. His face what little I could see in this lighting, was harsh, I could see just part of his thick nose, which seemed to have faced some abuse based on the lumpiness and the thickness of it, probably broken quite a lot. his upper lip was big and bowed. His Jaw which had a bit of scruff was strong. The man as he turned to face the drunk, his face was lit briefly by a passing cars headlights, and I could see a flash of his eyes which were dark and cold. He held his gun, pointing it at the fallen man and his finger twitched over the trigger, he was tense his arm almost shaking.  
I stopped breathing watching him, I was frozen against the wall, I couldn't move past him even if I wanted, there was not enough room for me to squeeze through.  
He gave a frustrated sigh before lowering his gun and holstering it, without sparing me a glance the man picked up the drunk by the collar of his coat and dragged him out of the alley, I pulled myself away from the wall to watch this man. He threw the drunk onto the sidewalk, and with a grunt squatted down and checked the mans pulse, he nodded and stood back up. He looked at me for the first time, "Wouldn't happen to have a pen?" He asked I shook my head,  
"Figures." He said before kneeling back down he put his finger to the drunks bleeding head and turning the guy over he ripped open his shirt and painted onto his chest with the blood. CHILD MOLESTER.  
He stood up wiping the blood onto his pants he looked back at me. "Why are you still here?" He asked.  
"Uh..." I said dumbly, I really had no idea why I was still here. The man pulled down his hood, and I could sort of see him now, well I could see his big ears and his crew cut hair now, and his eyes. He scoffed, "You really shouldn't be out here. How old even are you?" He asked his voice was really gruff and scratchy.  
It took me a second to register and answer the question having to think about it. "uh 15" I said, he scoffed.  
"Where are you parents kid?" He asked I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest, I was older than this man, and he was calling me kid, I was a teenager before he was even potty trained. "Not here." I said snappishly. He sighed, shifting slightly.  
"Where are you staying kid?" He asked  
"Why should I tell you, you are the strange man who almost just killed someone in front of me." I said,  
"Yeah well I didn't and I saved you, now you can go wandering around some more only to be kidnapped raped and shipped off to be someones little toy, or you could tell me where you live and I can take you there keeping you safe." Said the man, I shifted uncomfortably, and gulped, the alternative wasn't very pleasant I must say and frankly brought up some buried memories. things I thought I had gotten over a long time ago. I calmed my breathing and tilted my head up trying to make the man think that I was unaffected by it.  
"I won't tell you where I am going but you can follow me, only if you tell me your name, and trust me I would be able to tell if you are following me." I said, truthfully I don't know if I would be able to tell, I am obviously off my game, considering I hadn't heard him nor the drunk before I had seen them.  
He huffed. "Pete Castiglione." He said, It was a lie, I could tell I narrowed my eyes at him.  
"That's a lie, there is no point in lying to me." I told him, "I'll always be able to tell." He clenched his jaw and looked away briefly.  
"Frank, Castle." He said, oh I had read about him, some vigilante, Frank Castle also known as The Punisher, his family was killed and he began killing scum bags.  
"Okay Frank." I said, I walked past him with me head held high but once he couldn't see me I let the panic show on my face, I let out a shaky breath and shook myself.  
That had been to close. The man fell in step with me, we were the same height so it was easy. I eyed him out the corner of my eye, as we walked in silence. He did not look the talkative type. my nerves were killing me, a stranger and so my social anxiety was starting to appear. Though I am glad about the delay. The longer I looked at him the more I began to notice, like the way he held himself like he was always expecting a hit, like the slight limp he had. This man strikes me as someone that has a very high pain tolerance so the limp says nothing about the wound besides the fact that it must either be in a awkward position that if he was to use a normal stride would make it bleed, break the scab, or tear it open some more. Or the limp could be that it is painful enough that he is showing the pain, even just an ounce of it. I stopped walking and narrowed my eyes at him,  
my anxiety temporarily gone. "How well do you think you can protect me if you are injured?" I asked, he stopped and turned around towards me.  
"Well enough, I've done it before." He said, I sighed.  
"Show me." I said. He scoffed looking to the side as he shook my head and looked back to me.  
"Yeah not going to happen." He said with amusement coloring his tone, I folded my arms over my chest and tilted my weight, lifting my chin up I looked down at him.  
"Show me, so I know that I won't have to save you" I said. He scoffed,  
"You save me? you've got to be 120 pounds soaking wet." He said, I cocked my head and sneered.  
"show me!" I commanded and with another scoff and a shake of his head he began turning back around to keep walking but I grabbed his arm in a iron grip and he froze. I sort of felt bad, I was probably leaving deep bruises that would ache for a while, but this man looked like he could handle a bit of pain. I softened my tone,  
"Show me, I can help." I said, he gave me a weird look before looking around, he sighed and I loosened my grip which he jerked his arm out of, rubbing circulation back into the muscle.  
"Fine" He said, defeated. "there's a convenience store a block away, you can look there." He said. I nodded satisfied.  
"Lead the way." I said, gesturing, he shook his head and began limping ahead once more, I fell into step easily. 

The convenience store bathroom was a single stall and was questionable in its cleanliness. Frank had stripped of his jacket and hoodie which was now hanging on the bathroom doors coat hook, with a grunt he lifted his shirt up, I could spot a deep gash on his hip that ran below his waist band, but from what I can see it was very deep and still bleeding. I sighed, "You remind me of my brother, he's an idiot too." I said as I tugged the pants a little lower only to see that the gash went further down. I stood up  
"I'm getting supplies. you have any money?" I asked, he shook his head. "pity." I said with a sigh before going to the door, "Ill be back in a minute, strip out of your pants." I said. "hell no, i'm not taking my pants off for a 14 year old girl in a crap hole bathroom." protested Frank.  
"Well then I will just have to cut them off and you can figure out what to wear out of here." I said cocking an eyebrow. He huffed, and I left the bathroom. I found what I needed and looking around making sure I wasn't being watched I made it all invisible and I smuggled it back to the bathroom, I lifted the enchantment right when I opened the door locking it behind me I turned to Frank who was sitting on the closed toilet his pants off as well as his shirt, I smirked smugly and he rolled his eyes. He was well built and I could see the appeal of him, but such thoughts were only okay when I was in this body, otherwise it would be Ergi. While it may be okay here it certainly wasn't in Asgard.  
This was nice, taking care of Frank it kept my mind off of Thor, off of his friends.  
I knelt on the dirty bathroom floor with a grimace and unpacked the stuff I stole.  
"Shit you steal all of this?" He asked,  
"yes" I said simply, before snapping on gloves, I opened the alcohol and poured it onto my hands to sterilize them, I did the same with a needle and thread.  
"Pat or pour?" I asked holding up the alcohol.  
"Pour." Said Frank and I nodded pulling down the edge of Franks underwear a bit so i could access all of the cut, I put a gauze under the wound to catch the alcohol that began to pour off of him when I poured it on him, he winced. "Shit" he cursed.  
I patted it dry and picked up the the needle and thread. I tried not to panic at the site of them, of the thought of what I was about to do.  
It brought up bad memories and I had to open my mouth to remind myself that I could that I did not have thread keeping my mouth shut and that I wasn't with the dwarves.  
I shook myself and took a deep breath before I pinched the wound together and began inserting the needle, it was not a pleasant feeling on my end and I know its not a pleasant feeling on his either. Frank's face twitched but he did not grunt nor did he curse again. As I sewed I began to hum a lullaby my mother would sing to me when I had a nightmare. Once I was done I snipped the thread gratefully putting down the needle, I poured more alcohol onto the wound before putting a bandage on it. Frank stood and began pulling his shirt back on, he was facing away from me so I vanished all of the things along with the blood and my gloves.  
He turned back around and looked around confused but seemed to opt on not saying anything, I smiled and handed him his pants and he put them on along with his jacket and hoodie. There was a loud knock on the door, and we froze. An Adult man in a one stall bathroom alone with a 14 year old girl, that did not look good. I thought for a brief second, and there was another knock.  
"Wait a second." Said Frank, I looked Frank up and down before coming to an idea. I smiled and put a finger to my lips in a shh movement. I began to force tears into my eyes and down my face Frank watched me with a bewildered slightly panicky face.  
I opened the door, and peeked out coming face to face with a man, not the store clerk. it was a customer needing to use the bathroom.  
"I am so sorry we were in here for so long. M-my cat's run away you see, and I was h-having a freak out." I said changing into an american accent, crying a bit more making it seem like I was an over sharer. I stepped out of the bathroom, "C'mon dad, this man needs to use the bathroom we were so rudely hogging." I said, holding my hand out to Frank who's face had twitched painfully before he put on a fake smile. "Of course, Sorry man." He said, the customer looked a bit panicky about me crying,  
"Oh its no big deal, uh don't worry about it I hope you find your cat." He said before hurrying into the bathroom and closing the door. I smiled wiping my eyes and my cheeks, I pulled Frank along out of the store and back out into the street.  
"Thanks." He said, gruffly.  
"No problem, Now I suspect we should probably start heading home." I said. I got my bearings and began walking again.  
"Why are you out here?" Asked Frank,  
"Maybe I did lose my cat." I said.  
"No" He denied, I smiled nervously.  
"Okay I'll tell you, only because you are being so nice escorting me. So I maybe got into a fight with my brother, and accidentally revealed that I am... oh whats that word again, oh that's right Genderfluid." I said, glancing at Frank nervously, he was staring at me, but he didn't look disgusted, or hateful, he didn't even look surprised.  
"I haven't been misgendering you this whole time have I?" He asked, I smiled relieved.  
"No, you haven't" I said smiling at him. there was silence as we walked.  
"Does your brother love you?" Asked Frank breaking the silence.  
"Yes I believe so." I said,  
"Then he should be okay with it otherwise he never loved you." Said Frank I sighed,  
"I hope so, but I doubt it, where we are from, If I were to reveal it to our people I would be ridiculed, mocked, beaten and bullied." I said I sighed again. "And I am already ridiculed, mocked, beaten and bullied, I fear it can only escalate from there and I would be dead in a week." I added.  
"Well that sounds like a shitty place." Said Frank I frowned but reluctantly nodded in agreement. silence returned only for it, a minute later to be broken. "What is your name?" Asked Frank, "Loki." I said simply. This man was not an Avenger so he must not know who I am. At least is what I assumed until Frank's face spasmed. "Loki? Thor's sibling?" Asked Frank, tensing up as we ceased walking. "Yes" I said apprehensively, but before he could answer he was drowned out by a loud mechanical roaring noise. "Loki?" called out an artificial yet recognizable voice. I turned around and there was a metal man. Iron man, Tony. I paled and gulped, fidgeting, as he landed. The part of his helmet covering his face retracted showing Tony, who was smiling, until he saw Frank and then he frowned. "Punisher, what are you doing with Loki?" Asked Tony, "You know just because you aren't killing anymore doesn't mean I can't still arrest your ass." Said Tony, I frowned at him and looked back to Frank who's posture and face had gone back to the way it was when he was contemplating shooting my attacker. "I was just bringing Loki back, how about next time you keep a better eye on them." Said Frank, he said my name like it was something nasty and something in me hurt at that. What did I do? I wondered for the thousandth time. "Yeah well you can go now." Said Tony dismissively, I didn't watch Frank leave but I could hear him, instead I watched the ground, feeling that panic that I had buried clawing its way back up. "Come on lets get you home, we have a lot to discuss." Said Tony, his helmet coming back down he held out his arms. "Grab on and hold on tight." He said. I moved forward wrapping my arms around his cold metal frame his arms around to hold me tight before he blasted off and headed towards the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! FRANK!


	10. The Truth is shit man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for self harm

I want to vomit, and I wish I could say it was because of the flying.  
we landed on a strip of roof on the tower. Tony guided me inside, I just stared at my shuffling feet, covering my breasts with my arms, my hair falling into my face and shielding me from view.  
Tony stopped walking so I stopped walking, he patted me with a metal hand somewhat gently on my shoulder before walking away and in front of me. I looked up through my hair, keeping my chin tucked towards my chest.  
"I'm sorry." I said, nervously.  
"Why are you sorry?" asked Tony. I looked up at him with narrowed eyes, isn't that what they were expecting, a sorry? was this a ploy to humiliate me, make me spell it out for them.  
"I lost control of my seidr, and I'm Ergi." I said. there was a chorus of voices before Thor's deep voice broke through.  
"Friends, I think I should talk to Loki, alone." He said and I gulped, oh jeez, I'm screwed. Thor was going to kill me, he was going to tell mom and dad and then they were going to kill me. I've brought such shame to the royal family I deserve to die. I walked over to the waiting god, Thor placed his hand at the back of my neck in what would be a comforting way if I wasn't so frightened. I should take this like a man, or well a woman. not like some child, I'm not a child and I should stop acting like one.  
Thor lead me in silence to my room where he closed and locked the door once entering.  
"Loki, I have much to tell you. We have decided to tell you of your past." Said Thor and I snapped my head towards him my jaw falling open, Okay not what I was expecting.  
"But before that I would like to tell you, that I knew, and It does not make you Ergi, and nobody blames you for your loss of control." He said and my knees felt weak, my legs were like jello.  
"y-you knew?" I cried out.  
"Yes, you told me, or rather I caught you." Said Thor brushing it off. "and sister it does not make you a disgrace or whatever is running through your head" he said.  
I sat numbly onto my bed staring past Thor.  
"Tell me everything Thor." I demanded. he sighed before sitting down next to me. "I can tell you what I know." he said.  
by the time he was done, I wanted to vomit again, I also wanted to kill myself slowly and painfully.  
I felt numb, Thor insisted that it wasn't my fault but how is it not my fault I was the one who let go, I was the one who let myself be controlled. I could tell there was still things Thor wasn't saying and I don't know if I want to know now.  
but I have to. He won't tell me though, I can tell, he wont tell me not because he can't its because he doesn't want to.  
I stared at my skin, my false skin. Thor was still talking, but I couldn't pay enough mind to know of what. I simply stood up, and walked into my bathroom locking the door. there was a bang on the door. I felt cold, I needed to heat up, drive the cold and numbness away. I stripped and stepped into the shower, turning it on it came out extremely cold though it didn't bother me and now I know why, I turned it as hot as it could go, and it started heating up, cold turning to luke warm to comfortable, to hot, to stinging, to burning. I felt like a lobster being boiled yet I was still to cold. My skin was bright red and blisters were starting to form but I simply turned so my back was turned to the onslaught, it was getting harder to breath, my lungs must be freezing to ice, the thick steam will surely melt it.  
the knocking which had died down, started back up with vigor, the door shook with each loud bang. I could hear my name being called.  
"LOKI, SISTER LET ME IN!" I looked to the door and sat down pressing my blistered back against the hot yet still cold wall of the shower, I was no longer under the liquid fire, the air felt thick and cold.  
I bent my knees and buried my face into them. Thor POV I sat down on Loki's bed, I should give her space, right? the shower was going and there wasn't really any noises coming from inside the bathroom, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm going to go with not though considering I dont think anything's going to be good or even okay for a while. I was starting to grow bored but I wanted to be here for Loki when she left the bathroom. I looked around, Loki hasn't done anything to decorate her room yet, I hope she will, it misses that Loki'ness. I looked to the bathroom door and frowned. seeping underneath was steam, a lot of steam. "Mr Odinson Loki is in distress and is harming herself." Said Jarvis urgently. I shot up from the bed, "Harming herself?" i demanded while trying to open the bathroom door, "JARVIS! open the door!" I demanded. "I can't it seems she is using her magic to keep from doing so." Said Jarvis, "I also can't decrease the shower water temperature which has risen to dangerous levels and seems to be burning Loki!" "Oh Norns! LOKI!" I said trying to slam the door open, it shook but did not budge. not yet at least. "LOKI! SISTER OPEN THE DOOR!" I yelled through, yet I heard nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh this took me a while to upload, and it wasn't even because I hadn't written it, I've had this in drafts for weeks.  
> Sorry guys!  
> also looks like uploading is going to be sporadic, with multiple chapters at once and then none for a while


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is going to be a weird gap between last chapter and this chapter sorry if that annoys you, but I couldn't think of a way to write that scene. I might add it eventually. Sorry this is going to be very short. Hopefully I'll update soon and sorry for the long gaps between updates

I lay on my bed wrapped securely in the fuzzy blankets, my hair was greasy and my skin itchy where the scabs on my back were being pulled with movement.  
my eyes were dry as I rarely blinked I just stared at nothing. it's been a few days since I learned part of the truth, and that bit kept from me was still messing with me, but if Thor didn't want to tell me before he definately will not want to tell me now considering my reacton.  
Thor and surprisingly the avengers have been keeping an eye on me, keeping my company in my room.  
Thor will talk about our child hood, memories that I shared. Tony will talk about techinology, his projects, bouncing ideas off of me though I haven't spoken in a while.  
Natasha reads to me, she reads complicated books, full of plot twists, and misdirections.  
Bruce sits quietly and awkwardly and Steve draws. Barton hasn't come to visit me and i'm glad for that, especially because I know what i've done to him.  
I don't understand why any of them spend time with me trying to cheer me up, or protect me from myself. I don't deserve it.  
and even though I had only known Frank for a night I miss him, but I understand his sudden hatred towards me now.  
I'm in a boy body again, I had stopped feeling like a girl a while ago.  
there was a knock at the door.  
"Loki?" called out Thor, I said nothing. he walked in slowly and quietly making sure I was awake before talking. he crouched in front of my face cupping my cheek with his large tanned hand.  
"brother I have been summoned to Asgard, there is nothing to worry about. I will be back in three days, but is there anything you would like me to get for you?" He said. I looked at him for the first time, actually looked at him. my mind worked a mile a minute before I nodded slowly and minutly. Thor beamed at this recognition.  
"bring me my books, sedir... I wish to practice." I requested my voice croaky from disuse. Thor frowned a little but nodded anyway.  
"Alright Brother, take care. I love you" he said before kissing my forehead. he stood leaving not waiting for an awnser he knew he wouldn't get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it hard to write when I am depressed and hard to post when I am anxious. trying to get over the anxiety part but I don't think I'll be able to work through my depression. this leads to rarely updating with how often I am depressed.  
> Sorry.  
> And thanks for all the nice comments, the comments definitely help me with working on this story.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for internalized racism, victim blaming, self hatred.

In order for things not to seem to sudden I have to start rejoining the alive and waking world no matter my lack of interest in doing so when really all I want to do is lay down in my bed and never wake up again.  
Who knows maybe if I wish hard enough that would happen.  
but then again I wouldn't reach Valhalla if I were to die in my sleep but is that a place I truly belong anymore, if I ever did, which I doubt I ever did belong in Valhalla, after all frost giants don't belong there, and even if I only just found this fact out I have been a frost giant this whole time, a filthy creature of ice. How could I have only just found this out? how come I never detected a lie from Mother or Fath--- Frigga or Odin? was I too naive? delusional? to ever think I belonged in that family a golden family with the little dirty secret. No wonder Odin never loved me no wonder I was always the outcast why I was weak dark and cowardly.  
a disappointment.  
I sighed and began getting out of the nest I had made for myself my scabs pulling in awkward ways. I should not make the change drastic because then they shall surely catch my lie. I must seem like i'm recovering.  
first things first, I need a shower. I need to get clean, and then I will eat. the thought of eating made me feel nauseous.  
I pulled the blankets off of me and neatly let them back down onto the bed. I went into the bathroom closing the door.  
"Mr Loki I see you are up and about." Stated Jarvis from the ceiling. I flinched only slightly in surprise before peering up with narrowed eyes.  
"yes, I feel quite gross and must amend that with a shower if you don't mind I would like some privacy and you needn't worry I shall not harm myself further." I said to the invisible entity.  
"As you wish, Mr Loki, however if I detect a raise in heart beat and irregular breathing pattern I will check in and send for help." warned the AI. I nodded in a sour agreement.  
"If you must." I stated before the room went silent as I assume Jarvis checked out of the cameras. I stripped out of the pajama's I have lived in since the accident. I turned on the shower and wondered if Jarvis has control of the temperatures to make sure I won't make it hot enough to scald. he's probably disabled my ability to make it any warmer than luke warm. I tested out my theory and found myself correct. huh figures. I stepped under the stream and even though my wounds were closed and the water was only luke warm it still stung my back, but I soon got used to the onslaught.  
I was in the midst of cleansing my hair when my thoughts turned from my planning to more depressing matters like Frank Castle.  
I am fixated on this man I know, and no it's no crush, he is honestly not my type. and even though I am way older than him he is too old for me, but I would've surely liked him as a friend, it would've been nice having my own friend, someone who was like me in a lot of ways but differed enough from myself that I liked him.  
but all I can remember is the way he said my name. Loki. like it was some diseased creature crawling out of his mouth. It must've been like that right? I am not imagining things. he was surely disgusted by me, I wonder if my heritage is common knowledge I wonder if it was if he would hate me more than he already does. I don't blame him, I hate me too and that was before knowing everything all the bad I've done. or older me has done, but we are the same person and how could I be so weak as to cave to a mad man, to become a puppet.  
I shook my head to shake away these thoughts, I splashed sudsy water onto the showers walls, I rinsed out my hair and tried to focus on my plan.  
Once Thor returns I will search the books for some sort of spell something that will help me remember all that Thor is not telling me, I know I will regret it but I need to know how much of a monster I will become, how much of a monster I am.  
I need to know how I was punished because i must've been punished but how am I here? like this? like a teenager? Odin must've done this but surely this is not punishment enough? that's how I know that there must be more, more that Thor has not told me more that I need to know. I pray to the Norns that my punishment was good enough that and I pray to the Norns that I have not committed more atrocities. the water Is starting to become cold so I finished washing myself with no distractions and I stepped out of the shower dripping water I wrapped a towel around my waist and stepped out of the bathroom and looked for clean clothes. I put on my jeans and a long sleeve wool t-shirt. and taking a deep breath to prepare myself I exited the room, it felt to much. I had gotten so used to my room that once I was out of it everything was so unfamiliar despite the amount of time I had spent wandering around prior to the truth. I stepped onto the elevator. "The kitchen" I asked of Jarvis and the elevator dinged. "Yes sir." he replied before the elevator started moving. it dinged once again when the doors slid open, I stepped out and looked around my wet hair falling into my face I swept it behind my ear, it did occur to me that I could use my magic to dry my hair but truthfully I was to exhausted to do something like that so I would just let it air dry never mind the curls that will surely pop up. "Uh hi, Loki" Said Bruce who was making himself a cup of tea. he looked startled and surprised. "Hello Bruce." I Said quietly as I made my way to the refrigerator. I opened it and looked inside nothing seemed appealing. "How are you uh doing?" asked the awkward man. I sent him a blank stare and didn't bother answering. "that was a stupid question, um are you hungry?" He asked. "Yes" I said simply. "um well there are left overs from dinner yesterday if you would like some." He offered coming over he leaned into the fridge from behind me and pulled out a container. "It's technically Tony's but I won't tell." He said humorously, he handed me the container as he closed the fridge. he wiped his hands onto his pants nervously. "I'll uh get my tea." started Bruce but I interrupted. "I'm sorry." I said sadly. "Uh sorry? wha-what for?" he asked confused. "For everything, I did, older me." I said. he frowned. "it's okay, I mean it's not but it wasn't your fault, or older you's fault, you were being controlled." Said Bruce. "Yes but it's my fault that I was controlled in the first place, I should've been stronger, I should've never gotten myself into The Mad Titans hands. and for that I'm sorry." I said, "you don't have to be, it wasn't you, you. it was older you. though I am curious on how you managed to get controlled?" Said Bruce leaving it hanging. "I think I best go eat now. I haven't eaten in a while." I said avoiding the subject. the weakness that older me had the weakness I still have. I hurried out with the cold container clutched in my hands, wanting to avoid any more conversation. the elevator doors shut and I sighed in relief when I made it up to my floor without interruption. I went into my room and closed the door, I situated myself on my bed and opened the container. inside was a weird wrap thing, it seemed to be meat and some sort of vegetable wrapped in a doughy bready substance. I cautiously took a bite and while I don't doubt it would be much better if warm I didn't very much like it anyway but it was all i had and I don't fancy going back to the kitchen so I ended up eating it anyway.... After I was done eating I figured that I have made enough of an appearance for them to start suspecting that I was getting better. there was a knock at the door. "Loki?" called out a distinctly female voice, Natasha. "Can I come in?" She asked. I got up and opened the door without a word before heading back to my bed and burrowing under the covers the empty container from the food falling to the floor. I didn't bother picking it up. The red head walked cautiously into the room like she expected to be attacked. "Bruce told me you were in the kitchen earlier." She said, she was holding a book "You don't have to talk." She added after a beat. she pulled up the chair that she usually sits in and sat down getting comfortable effortlessly. she opened the book at where it was book marked and started reading out loud. a few hours passed like this, her voice never cracked and never got tired. after a few hours of me staring into empty space and Natasha reading she closed the book sliding the bookmark into place. there was another light knock at the door and Tony came shuffling in, Natasha got up and left without a goodbye. Tony sat down, "I seem to be missing my lunch." He said after a while, I sighed and turned to face him. he was smirking. "Did you like it?" He asked, I shrugged and he gasped. "you little shit, eating other peoples food when you don't even like it." He exclaimed. with humor in his voice letting me know he wasn't completely serious. "of course you wouldn't like shawarma, you probably like bland tasteless food, like a salad." He said with a horrified tone, he shuddered for theatrics. when he got no response from me and he sighed. "To much interaction today, acted alive for to long? I get it." He said he sighed shifting to get more comfortable in the chair before he began his ranting of inane things. I zoned out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter

Day 2, I slept fitfully last night, my dreams filled by strange nightmares of what I now assume was my punishment. tortures, on my older self, nothing I did not deserve.  
but I find that I can barely even remember my dream only 10 minutes after waking so if you were to ask me what I had dreamed all I could answer with is a shrug.  
I must've only gotten around 3 hours of sleep in total between me waking up hour after hour.  
having only gotten a couple hours a night of sleep since The Truth, I find myself quite exhausted almost to exhausted to keep acting but yet I am the god of lies, I find myself today feeling not quite like a boy and not quite like a girl I find myself as a they.  
Next order of business after waking when the sun is up is getting dressed. I slipped on a thick sweater pushing up the sleeves to my elbows I pulled on some loose fitting pants and fuzzy socks. my hair was quite annoying as it had curled yesterday and was now a curly fluff ball upon my head. but I haven't got a hair tie of any sort so I must deal.  
I must make more of an appearance today, I should bring a blanket into the tv room and lounge on the couch and watch whatever my heart desires.  
I decided that that was an according plan and swept the blanket from my bed I draped it onto my shoulders and scrunching it up so it did not make contact with the floor I padded out of my room and into the awaiting elevator.  
"Jarvis take me to the TV room." I requested and the AI obliged with a simple yes sir.  
the elevator dinged as the doors slid open and I padded out into the TV room, I plopped onto the couch relieved that no one was residing inside the tv flickered on.  
"Jarvis, play the first Harry Potter movie, I have finished the book and would very much like to watch the movie now." I requested of the AI.  
"Yes sir, would you like me to dim the lights?" asked Jarvis as the movie started playing.  
"No thank you." I said, being not very fond of the dark.  
I settled into the couch the blanket wrapped around me like a secure cocoon. half way through the movie I was interrupted. "Harry Potter? must really identify with Voldemort." Said a man, I jumped yearning to have a knife in my grasp though I resisted conjuring one. I looked over and immediately tensed, It was Barton. I stared at him silently, my shoulders hiked up by my ears "i'm sorry" I said. He scowled. "You better be, you know how much pain you've caused?!?" He asked, his face was stormy he took a deep breath and closed his eyes his balled up fists un-bunching. I looked down at the floor not paying attention to the movie anymore, I felt tears prick at my eyes and scowled, I stood up and willed the tears away. "i'll go." I said before hurrying out the blanket trailing on the floor behind me. I brushed past him as he wouldn't move out of the door way, our shoulders almost touched before I flinched away and hurried to the elevator. This was stupid, I should've stayed in my room. once I was safe inside my room again I went back to the bed and burrowed in hiding from the world once more falling back into my routine of staring out in space and doing nothing.


	14. Chapter 14

I did not leave my bed till Thor was back. leaving my bed in the first place had proven to be a horrible mistake one that I wasn't eager to repeat.  
it's not like I could blame Barton after hearing what I did to him. I deserve any hatred from him and more, I deserve pain from him.  
I sighed feeling my breasts move with my rib cage. This is odd, having breasts, I feel like a girl yet so often when I do I have to hide. Now I don't because everybody already knows, and they could not possibly hate me more than they no doubt already did.  
though it seems Thor is really okay with it which must be a lie.  
"Good morning... Sister, I have brought the books you've asked for." Said Thor walking into my room, I peered out from under my blanket my hair splayed out in a chaotic mess, aw chaos how things should be.  
Thor was indeed holding a chest no doubt filled to the brim with my magic books, Thor would bring anything just to see me alive again. I sat up sluggishly my eyes crusty from tears I rubbed the salt out of my eyes with the back of my hand.  
"Bring it here" I commanded holding a hand out lazily.  
Thor obediently trotted over like a good dog, and placed the chest down on the bed careful to avoid my legs, which I brought up so I could shift position so I was sitting on them with them tucked under my butt. I leaned over unlocking the chest and flipping the lid I took in the sight of old tomes. I picked one up and read the cover before setting it aside trying to find the best one to start with. I noticed out of the corner of my eye Thor hovering close by, I scowled.  
"You can leave now." I snapped irritably due to my lack of restful sleep. Thor sighed sadly before obeying sending one last forlorn look at me which I resolutely ignored.  
Picking up the last book I sighed. best get started, I thought before leaning back against the headboard spreading my legs out in front of me I got comfortable so I could begin the long process of skimming the books for the right spell. 

Tony's POV.  
Thor had just gotten back, Jarvis had notified me and I went to go greet the gentle giant but had found him sulking out of Loki's room.  
"What is it?" I asked him,  
"Loki." He stated simply and I nodded seriously before clapping my hands together.  
"it looks like you need a pick me up, lucky for you I am king at distractions." I said Joyously, I placed my hand on Thors shoulder to guide him to my labs where we could blow some things up, Thor could take out some pent up emotions on inanimate objects, and hey explosions are fun. 

 

Natasha's POV. 

I knocked on Loki's door, I have gotten into the habit of knocking, Loki being in a strange place and feeling the way he is feeling It would be best if I knocked show Loki that he has some say some power in this bleak part of his life.  
there was no answer however and I didn't bother knocking again instead i went a head and let myself in, I peered into the room.  
"Loki, it's lunch time." I said in ways of greeting, the boy or rather girl was sitting on the bed, a pile of books next to her and her head bent over a large book resting in her lap she seems to be half way through and she seems to not have heard me.  
"Loki." I said again finally getting a reaction, Her head popped up black hair falling into her face she scowled and tucked it behind her ear.  
"Yes?" she asked, her voice was surprisingly deep for a girls voice but it suited her.  
"lunch?" I asked,  
"Oh, I'm not hungry." She responded, at least she is talking, little steps after all. the strand of hair flopped back into her face and with a scowl she violently tucked it back behind her ear again. I took a hair band off of my wrist and offered it.  
"would you like a hair band?" I asked her and she frowned in confusion. "To put your hair up." I clarified. she blushed.  
"Oh um yes thank you." She said, I walked over and handed it to her.  
"Come down in a few hours and eat something." I told her before leaving not leaving any room for argument.  
now that she was acting alive again might as well start pushing her in the right direction. 

 

Loki's POV

ugh, I'm only half way through this darn book and it seems to have been a couple hours though it's felt like eternity, I love books but this is down right tortures.  
I stared at the hair tie for a second before taking my hair up and pulling it through the hair tie and I wrapped it around a few times before creating a bun. I sighed and stretched out my arms hearing my elbows and shoulders pop in what surely must be a very unhealthy way and I settled in to continue reading. many hours passed before finally I found it.


	15. Chapter 15

It was a potion more than it was a spell, the ingredients called for a bead of my blood, and luckily all of the other ingredients required I could access on Midgard.   
Probably even in Stark's kitchen.   
Rosemary, some type of fat which butter will do, fermented fruit, Wine shall do as well and charcoal which was harder to find but I happened upon Captain Americas art charcoal so that will do. after collecting everything thankfully without running into anyone I sneaked it all into my room locking the door though I know that that will not hold if Jarvis was asked to open it.   
so I slid my bed in front of the door as well.   
"Miss Loki? if I may ask what are you doing?" asked the British AI,   
"Jarvis mute." I said, and it was instantly quiet once more I winced slightly that did not feel good.   
I took a bowl out from my pocket in space it was a brass bowl from a long time ago, I placed it out and began to mix everything in grinding up the charcoal with my seidr I deposited it into the bowl taking out my knife from the pocket I sliced it through my palm letting my wound drip as much as I needed before allowing my magic to heal the wound I mixed in all of the other ingredients and heated it up till it formed a thick saucy substance I stuck my finger into the burning liquid wincing slightly I pressed my finger into the center of my forehead where the third eye is I wiped off the liquid from my finger and picking up the bowl I blew onto it, a sparkingly green mist passed through my lips and settled on the bowl I closed my eyes and brought the bowl to my lips and drank.   
after I had consumed all of it I put the bowl down and settled in a comfortable position on my bed not opening my eyes once, I didn't feel any different maybe I got something wrong maybe it was a dud. Oh I spoke to soon, I thought right as my brain started to throb and then it started to feel like it was being torn in two it took all I had not to scream out though I could not help but let a groan slip past my lips.   
finally when the pain peaked it was like all my strings were cut as I collapsed and went weightless. I opened my eyes as the pain receded back into a dull throb and saw nothing, nothing but my hands in a black void, but then scenery changed and I was in the familiar halls of Asgard and sitting benevolently in his throne The All Father. I did it. I thought briefly before being catapulted into my memories. 

Tony POV

"Aim right there Fabio" I said pointing at a scrap of metal I had tried using for a project though it turns out that it is too weak for anything so might as well sacrifice it to Thor. isn't that what you're supposed to do with gods anyway?  
"Who is this Fabio you speak of?" Asked Thor looking at me with a confused puppy look, though the confused puppy look sure beats his beaten down puppy look.   
"Doesn't matter big guy." I said brushing off his question and my earlier comment. Thor shrugged and did as I said, the piece of metal burst into flames when the lightening made contact. I yelped in joy and some what out of fear as Thor laughed.   
"Master Stark?" Called out Jarvis,   
"Yeah Jarvis?" I answered half-heartedly to busy watching Thor work out his worries and aggression, man every single time some different muscle in his body flexed it was memorizing, While ogling Thor I realized Jarvis had already answered my question but I hadn't been paying attention.   
"Wait what?" I asked again and the AI sighed, I swear this bot was getting more human every day.   
"Master Stark it seems that Miss Loki has barricaded herself in her rooms, she also appears to be unconscious though her vitals are steady though I believe she is not sleeping as she had prior to this been working on a liquid that had the similar energy signals as her magic." Said Jarvis,   
"What?" I waved down Thor in alarm,   
"Miss Loki has barricaded herself..."  
"Yes I heard that, I mean why didn't you get me earlier." I asked pissed Thor looked at me in concern, "Its about Loki." I told him and his face went back to the puppy look, my heart panged, maybe, it also might've been the ark reactor who knows. We both started making our way hurriedly to Loki's room.   
"she seems to have muted me but not just for herself but for everybody I only just now worked through my coding to un-mute myself." Said Jarvis snipply.   
"Damn!" I said, this isn't good if she could do that what's to stop her from overriding every code in Jarvis. my mind went to her safety if that were to happen not even the possibility that she could go bat-shit again.   
"I shouldn't have left her." Said Thor guiltily. I looked at him not really know what to say,  
"Jarvis work on getting the door open." I told the AI instead.   
"already on it sir." Said the AI.   
"let's just hope that this isn't permanent." I said. it felt like forever before we were at Loki's door, I tried to open it and it was indeed unlocked thanks to Jarvis but there was something stopping it from opening.   
"Jarvis what's in front of the door." I asked,   
"there seems to be a bed in front of the door."   
"Shit" I said, "Where are the other avengers?" I asked.   
"Captain Rogers is in the gym with Agent Romanova Agent Barton is out and Dr Banner is in the labs."   
I looked at Thor, "Thor work on getting this door open." I told the God, he nodded grimly and started slamming himself into the door, it moved barely an inch.   
"Jarvis get Rogers up here. send for my suit as well." I said,   
"will do Sir." Said the AI.   
after a few seconds of Thor grunting and me pacing Steve and Natasha were at our side and my suit was encasing my body. Steve immediately went to the door to help Thor,   
"Jarvis debriefed us." Natasha informed me. with all of us working on the door we finally got it open enough for Natasha to slip through.   
"Damn Tony what do you make these beds out of." Asked Steve rhetorically. after a few seconds Natasha came back out holding an unconscious Loki, she had a red dot on her forehead that was glowing around the edges, Thor hurried over to check over Loki and tried to wipe away the red dot but as soon as his hand made contact he yelped, pulling back his hand he looked at it, his thumb was missing a bit of skin where it had touched the mark.   
"I should've never brought back the books." He said a stormy look on his face. "Lady Natasha I will take my sister. You look to find the book Loki must've gotten this spell from." Said Thor, Natasha handed him the light bundle of goddess and hurried back in the room after a minute she came back out with an open book but it wasn't in any language she'd ever seen.   
"Its not in English." She said showing it to Thor his face grew troubled.   
"What is it?" I asked.   
"it's a spell to see into one's memories." Said Thor.   
"What does that mean?" asked Steve.   
"It means that my sister went into her mind to view her worst memories, it means that she will not wake till she has relived them all." He said we looked at each other all wondering how long that will take. "Does this include bat-shit Loki's memories?" I asked which was a crucial piece of info.   
"aye." Said Thor.   
"Well Fuck." I said, everybody thinking the same thing. "Jarvis tell Bruce to set up a medical room for Loki, we need everything you would need for a coma patient. Thor will she need to eat, go to the bathroom, drink?" I asked him.   
"I do not know." Said the Thunder god, Steve put a hand on his shoulder.   
"Thor it's gonna be okay." said Cap.   
"I hope it will." Said Thor.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who want's to see Loki's memories. I'm not planning to do a lot of their memories, maybe one or two instances but If you want to see more leave a comment. This chapter is going to focus on Natasha

Natasha POV.  
Loki has been out for a week so far, sometime in his sedir induced slumber he had switched into a him body which is curious thing to happen but I suppose maybe it is not as curious as I think it is. within that week Clint had come forth somewhat guiltily about how he had seen him in the movie room and about how he had said some cruel things, so that explains Loki's sudden mood shift once more. Steve had thoroughly chewed him out, and Tony had just barely kept Thor from attacking the assassin though it had been a close call considering Tony had also wanted to attack Clint.  
I find even myself pissed at Clint, can't he see that Loki isn't the same Loki from before, how he's saner, how he's just a kid.  
but Clint has been dealt with enough and I believe that he's learned his lesson, if he hasn't I don't doubt that Tony will kick him out of the tower faster than Clint could even know what was happening.  
Let's hope Clint's learned his lesson because I don't want him to go. However in the mean time, he has gone to go visit his family due to some prompting from me and Bruce, maybe they will help with his anger as well.  
Tony had told me about how when Loki had run away how he had found himself walking with The Punisher and that fact within itself is also very curious, how Frank Castle had not harmed Loki, maybe he did not know it was Loki, and based on what Tony has informed me that is very likely but I wonder if the fact that he is Loki the god who once tried to enslave earth diminished Frank's first meeting with him, Loki the scared little girl. Frank Castle was a father once, I wonder if he could hate a child when the child had not been entirely at fault, and maybe I'm making a bad choice but this is to tempting to find out.  
I'm going to find Castle and I'm going to inform him about Loki, Loki could do with a friend, and if Castle want's to be that friend who am I to stop him, though I will make it very known to him that if Loki is hurt by him that he would want to run very fast. 

Locating Castle was far easier than I thought it was going to be. He's been spotted on multiple occasions tailing Matt Murdock, why they are in touch is a different mystery but one I will grudgingly not poke at after all I don't need to know why to catch him. I found him rather easily on a building in hell's kitchen watching Murdock.  
"Mr Castle." I said to let him know that I was there, I stood behind him out of arm reach but do not be mistaken I am not foolish enough to think there was a safe distance from a man like Castle. He tensed barely noticeably before turning.  
"Blackwidow." He grunted. "what brings you here, to Hells Kitchen?" he asked me,  
"what else? you." I said shifting. "I heard you met our dear newly teen aged god." I said,  
"Shouldn't you be using a more gender neutral pronoun for them." he said gruffly whether it in offense or some other reason is yet to be determined.  
I smirked. "Yes well right now he is a he." I said, "on another note, what went down between you two? you seemed pretty friendly when Stark found you two?" I asked.  
he scoffed. "Shit, it's none of your business ma'am, I helped him out he helped me out and then I learned who he is. what's with the teenage act? hmm? shouldn't he be locked up somewhere and not pretending to be a teenager?" He said folding his arms to his chest. "and how come you haven't tried to detain me yet?" he asked.  
"Now now, Mr Castle I haven't got a reason to detain you have I? and now that's pretty confidential and pretty complicated what I can and am willing to tell you is that that was no act, Loki is indeed a teenager and a over a week ago he had no idea what older him had done, but now he knows, in fact right about now he's in a coma we don't know if he will wake from, or what state he will be when he does wake up. So I hope you left on good terms because well who knows..." I left that hanging, I saw guilt cross his features a long with sadness surprise and a very familiar grief, the sort that he is intimately familiar with. I decided to leave at that hoping he would pay us a visit, do something for Loki. I don't know, but I know pushing won't work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short and kinda crap, sorry.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another real short one, next chapter should be more eventful however

“What the hell?!?” exclaimed Tony upon entering Loki’s room, what greeted him was mostly the usual sight, Thor sleeping uncomfortably slouched in a chair next to Loki’s bed. A bed had been placed into the room for Thor but he still tends to sit ever vigilant a hand in Loki’s.   
What was not usual was the fact that Loki was blue, Their skin was a dark cobalt blue, and in a lighter scarring where patterns etched onto their face and all over their body. I hurried over not bothering with waking Thor and checked Loki’s vitals, everything was somewhat normal except for the fact that Loki’s temperature had dropped significantly and it already had been unnaturally low. Tony checked Loki’s pupils flinching back when the usual venom green eyes were missing instead they were blood red a very striking blood red, next to him Tony heard Thor start to stir.   
“Thor.” Tony said rousing him further, The god of Thunder flinched upward in confusion.   
“Tony?” he asked looking up at Tony with sleep addled eyes. He rubbed his eyes letting go of Loki’s hand to do so, when he went to go retrieve their hand from where it had fallen he gasped in shock at seeing his siblings now blue hand, Tony noticed for the first time that Loki’s nails were black and sharp, looking more likes claws than nails really.   
“Norns, what is happening?” asked Thor in alarmed confusion.   
“You tell me point break, this isn’t normal?” asked Tony,   
“No, Loki usually has a glamour on their appearance, so they look Aesir the fact that the glamour has dropped is concerning, and I do not know what this means for their well being.” said Thor with a troubled scared look on his face. He cautiously took Loki’s hand again sighing in relief when he was not immediately burned by their cold skin and while yes Loki’s skin was colder than it should be it definitely was not cold enough to cause instant frostbite and that is a bit confusing.   
Tony shuffled awkwardly in place not certain what he should do, should he leave and leave Thor with his sibling or should he stay and keep Thor company.   
Thor made this decision for him.   
“Tony, would you be so kind as to go retrieve the books of seidr that you have retrieved from Loki’s room, I would like to find something about this, I need to know if this is a warning of worse to come or if it is merely a side effect.” Said Thor.  
“Umm sure thing point break, I’ll uh get right to that.” said Tony before hurrying out, though it did not look like he was hurrying, too much pride to hurry away from awkward situations.   
Thor looked down at the blue hand contrasted strikingly against his, “I sure hope you wake from this Loki. May the Norns see to it that you return to me.” said Thor before sighing and closing his eyes his mind weary from all of this.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for torture, graphic description of wounds, racism,   
> mentions of rape, like one word so nothing graphic or anything like that.

_“Oh Norns, how many of these memories do I have to endure?” I asked fearful of these tortures I must endure. I watched myself, the older me, chained to a post that was now soaked with my, his?, my blood. My back was nothing but shreds now nothing but meat hanging from bones, I had long since stopped my muffled screaming, muffled due to the leathers securing my mouth shut, I watched myself as I tried to scream only for the stitchings to pull and rip open my lips just a tad more each time till I had enough will power or was to drained not to scream. I could not figure out which though i would hazard a guess that it was the former and not the ladder. I had long since situated myself into a comfortable position on the floor to watch my memories, I deserved this, I must’ve. I counted each person who came in to torture me, so far it had been over 300 I had lost track some point around 280, that means my tortures were coming to an end right? I have watched myself as I was beaten, starved, raped and finally broken, I watched the monster lose itself to the torture and I watched the monster wish for death, and I could not help but wish for the same. I could not help it. That is just one more thing wrong with me. Now my nightmares make so much more sense the nightmares I couldn’t quite remember upon waking but couldn’t quite forget either. They were memories left to me by Odin. I wonder if my heart is black like the blood coming from my veins, for at some point my glamour had fallen revealing the skin of a frost giant. Revealing the many monstrosities I had never imagined. The black blood flowing through my veins, our veins. The claws, the sharp pointed teeth meant to tear meat from bone, the blood red eyes, the only thing I could find no problem with was the markings on my flesh, at least the markings meant i belonged to someone belonged somewhere. Jotuns were truly a child's nightmare. The horror story told at bedtime to train children into obedience. Do this child or the frost giants will grab you and gobble you up. Finally the tortures were over the whip was set down by the stranger whose face was covered by a black hood, not all of the strangers had entered with hoods but most had feeling like if nobody could identify them that meant that they weren’t the savages behind the whips, the knives or the flames. The aesir who had flayed my back so excellently was escorted out by the guard who had watched to make sure the Aesir would not kill me. I had slumped against the pole registering only that there was no longer any forceful whips to my back, in the morning I would completely healed only to be tortured once more the next day, however something was to change as today the door opened once more and three guards entered they unchained me from the post, I stood swiftly from my seated position watching as I was dragged out of my prison and into the throne room, a trail of blood followed me and the guards. I was thrown onto the ground in front of Odin, mother and Thor. Mother was holding back her tears a hand over her mouth and Odin looked down at me with a single eye steely and emotionless Thor stood vigil, a stoic look upon his face only the clenching of his fists betrayed his feelings. “Loki Laufeyson, your sentence has been changed due to opposing forces.” Odin barely sent a glance to Mother before looking back down at my un-moving un-hearing form. “Your new sentence will be lived out on Midgard, where you will spend the rest of your days, but to make sure you do not try to commit another act of treason you will be going back to Midgard in another form.” Said Odin, I do not know why he had this speech I was too broken to hear him or know what he was talking about even. Odin lifted gungnir and with a mighty thud it the bottom of his staff collided with the floor shaking the golden palace as dark magic took over, engulfing my prone form. Once the clouds had dissipated I was revealed, white skinned, unconscious and young. “Thor, take Loki to the healers, I shall prepare his rooms, and a bath.” Said Frigga, falling into action quickly hurrying away with a look barely spared for Odin, Thor carefully knelt down by my form and carefully picked me up cradling me close to his chest, Thor ignoring Odin completely began his journey of bringing me to the healers. I watched all of this play out from my perch on the stairs to the throne, the world started fading however once I was out of view to black Aw the spell must be finally ending._

I woke with a gasp my eyes flying open, my chest was arched up my spine in a uncomfortable ark but as soon as I the burning heat left my body all drawing out at the focal point in the center of my forehead I sighed my eyes closing with exhaustion. My body relaxing once more against the bed. “Loki!” yelled an out of breath voice I blearily looked up with unfocused eyes at a head curtained by blonde hair. I sighed and closed my eyes once more falling asleep with my exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once this fic is done I will be going back and editing some of the chapters.   
> if there are details i change in any of the chapters please do let me know so I can fix this. I will be not doing a lot of reading back as I want to get this finished at some point and if I constantly read back I will fall into an endless loop and I would rather not do that. so sorry if things don't add up or if personalities suddenly change or if I drop anything, which I feel like I've already done a couple times with Loki.


	19. Chapter 19

When I awoke once again I was greeted by an unfamiliar room and the familiar golden hair of Thor laying sprawled out on the bed next to me.   
I quietly slipped my feet from under the covers quickly and quietly unhooking myself from all the machines leaving the heart monitor things for last once those were off I instantly silenced the machines with my seidr as a beeping had started.   
“Jarvis?” I asked quietly,   
“Yes Loki?” asked the British voice in a volume that was too loud for my preference.   
“Could you please lower your volume.” I snapped quietly.   
“My apologies.” said Jarvis snipply though his volume was indeed quieter, I looked over at Thor.  
“What day is it Jarvis?” I asked,   
“It is Friday, it has been a week and three days since you fell into a coma.” Said Jarvis, “I must say that I am joyed to see you awake.” added the AI.  
“I did not think the spell would make me sleep for that long.” I muttered padding softly to a door I assumed led to a bathroom, my assumption was correct I closed the door noting how there was no lock on this door.   
“I assume I their will be new rules in place for me after this incident.” I said, the bathroom light turned on.   
“I would assume so Loki. though no new rules have been as of yet placed, except that you are no longer allowed to command me to do anything and that if your magic seems to be about to overwrite my code again Master Stark shall be notified instantly.” said Jarvis.   
“Did I overwrite your code before?” I asked confused.  
“Yes”   
“Oh”  
I entered the room more fully looking into the mirror, my skin had gone back to white, but while one of my eyes were still green the other iris was blood red, I ran my tongue over my teeth and peeled back my lips to reveal the fact that my teeth were still somewhat pointed, giving me an animalistic grin. It seems I have damaged my glamour perhaps forever. I stepped back from the mirror and noted that my body seemed not to have settled on a gender.   
“Jarvis, I shall be taking a shower, please do not interrupt me.” I said. I felt numb, this must be the shock, or maybe its a symptom of the spell either way it shall clear up eventually and I do not look forward for when I will feel again.   
“As you wish Loki.” said Jarvis, the slight buzzing I was accustomed to hearing from the hidden speakers which Jarvis spoke from cut out letting me know that Jarvis had said all he was going to say.   
I shed myself of the un-attractive garb I had been changed into at some point during my slumber, the shower turned on locking onto a lukewarm temperature, I stepped under the spray.   
Tilting my head into the onslaught.   
I sighed blowing water pellets from my mouth, I turned around so my hair was under the water and I pushed it all back with shaky hands.   
I dropped my hands to my side and shook them out.   
I would be in constant surveillance I know this, I would have no moment of piece, you should always keep an eye on the monster after all. Halfway through washing my body I notice my seidr shimmer around my body as I shifted, soon I was in the familiar form of my female body.   
I felt myself settle just an increment more and I suddenly felt a craving coarse through my body for Fyrstekake.   
I had had it a while back for my birthday, I had made it myself with the help of Frigga.   
After I was finished cleaning myself I stepped out of the shower using my seidr to dry myself I frowned looking down at the unsightly cloth I had been wearing before I slit a seam into the air pulling it apart I stuck my hand in grasping onto soft fabric I pulled out the dress I had took from the shopping experience with Natasha. I slipped this on instead the fabric falling a little short for my height. I did not alter it with magic for the fear of wrecking the dress. Seeing it on myself now fills me with, well not with the feeling I thought it would fill me with instead I think I just look sort of out of place. Like this dress is not mine but something I had borrowed from a friend.   
I chuckled out loud, friend what a funny thought, me having a friend. As Frank has proven I do not have friends.  
I stepped out of the bathroom the light shutting off behind me, I smoothed down the skirt and walked to Thor, seeing him still snoring away, nothing could wake this man. His snores sounded like rumbling thunder which surely fit his character. I sighed best to wake him now instead of having him wake with me gone, I grinned. Actually on second thought I could do with a bit of chaos before my mind shatters once this shock wears off.   
I padded quietly out of the infirmary and to the elevator. I stepped inside and the doors shut with a ding.   
“Jarvis, where are the avengers?” I asked.  
“They are all asleep, except for Master Stark who is in his labs.” Said Jarvis, I frowned.   
“What time is it?” I asked  
“It is 3am miss.” Said Jarvis, oh that explains it.   
“Take me to the kitchen’s please.” I requested and with a ding the elevator started moving up.   
It did not take long to get to the kitchens. Once inside I searched for everything I would need for Fyrstekake  
“Jarvis, could you please put on Cavetown.” I said, and obediently Bugs will be boys started playing.   
I had found Cavetown upon my adventure on Tumblr, people seem to want to protect him from everything but I don't know he looks able enough for me, I think he could certainly protect himself if need be and does not need prepubescent girls to protect him.   
I grabbed, butter, flour, eggs, and sugar, for the pastry. I searched for everything I would need for the filling.   
I found a large tub of almonds, and a powdery white substance that upon closer inspection was sugar in a powder form, this would do nicely for the filling. I went ahead and pre measured some water and went looking for some rum.   
“Jarvis, where does Tony keep his alcohol?” I asked.   
The AI directed me to a bar where there was a rather large bottle of seemingly expensive rum. I placed it on the counter and looked for a large bowl to mix the dry ingredients a large bowl for the wet and a large bowl for the filling.   
“Jarvis how do you work this contraption?” I asked looking confusedly at the stove, the AI chimed in with instructions which I followed setting the heat to what I believe is the right approximation of the heat needed to cook this pie, cake like thing.   
I washed my hands and began making the dough measuring out from memory into the bowl and mixing it till a ball of dough formed. I laid a cloth over the dough to keep dust from drifting in while I made the filling. Putting as much almonds in my hand as I could fit I quickly crushed them into the proper consistency I poured the almonds into the bowl and mixed in the rest of the ingredients.   
I searched for something to cook the cake in and found a pie tin this would do, I took a portion of the dough and made a crust on the tin filling that with the filling I used the remaining dough to create an intricate lattice over the filling adding the remaining dough to the outer edges I placed the tin into the oven careful not to touch the heated rack.   
“Jarvis set a timer for 50 minutes.” I said before cleaning up my mess, forgoing magic for the rhythmic calmness of cleaning. Once I was done cleaning up my mess, I began making myself ginger tea. I peeled the ginger using my knife only nicking myself once when my hands began to shake with exhaustion. Though it did not allow it to heal I allowed it to stop bleeding. I finished adding it to a boiling pot of water and waited three minutes before taking it off heat and adding black tea, I let that set for 3 minutes before straining and pouring into a good sized mug I added some honey and cream before taking a hearty gulp and set for waiting for the rest of the minutes for the cake. Once it was done I found myself quite tired so I put it on a rack and covered it making my way back to the infirmary where I woke, Thor was still asleep when I got there and I was slightly disappointed but I slipped under my covers and went to sleep praying that no nightmares would plague my dreams.


	20. Chapter 20

Halfway through the night I woke up due to thunder suddenly cracking from outside the building, I flinched looking around my eyes fell on Thor and I hurried out of bed and over to him shifting through my run until I was small and on all four black paws. I hopped up onto Thor’s bed and shimmied my way under the covers and pressed myself heavily into his side shoving my head under his arm so the sound would be even further muffled. With some difficulty I fell back asleep.

 

Thor POV.   
I awoke from my nightmares suddenly, it was raining outside I could feel it and I am afraid that that is my fault due to my rocky mental status. I sighed looking over to Loki’s bed. I sat up in alarm when I could not see my sibling. An annoyed yowl came from my side and I startled even further, I looked down and saw a small black cat glaring at me from my side, it hissed. I frowned in confusion at the small feline before recognition dawned.   
“Loki, you scared me.” I said, the cat hissed at me before meowing annoyed at me, they got up and got ready to pounce off the bed and leave me.   
“I did not say go.” I said in a hurry, scooping up my sibling and cradling them to my chest. They meowed pissed, nipping my hand and drawing blood. I still cradled them close laying back down and keeping them secured to my chest where I could feel them breath and their heart thump away. “Do not leave me Loki.” I requested, settling. Loki looked up at me narrowing their green eyes, or what should be two green eyes one of their eyes were blood red.   
I barely blinked at this update my mind too tired to work through the implications of such an occurrence. Loki huffed before squirming out of my slack grip and making a home on my chest curling in a ball and watching me as I fell back asleep. 

 

Watching Thor sleep was well boring, it was exceedingly dull. Watching him snore like it was his job, it was getting to be quite tiring. I stood stretching my back, arching, my claws flexing into Thor’s t-shirt. I sniffed his face and positioned myself so my neck started to suffocate him. Muffling his snores, I purred.   
After a few seconds Thor shot up violently from not being able to breath, in my quick reflexes I pounced away before I could be launched I let out an annoyed yowl holding myself primly, I glared at him. He glared back.   
“Was that really necessary?” He said. I bobbed my head in a nod and he huffed out a chuckle, rubbing his face with his warm palm.   
“Good morning Thor.” said Bruce walking in with a yawn. He froze upon seeing me.   
“Um where did the cat come from?” He asked, he looked to my bed and then back to me.   
“Oh uh never mind.” He said. Walking towards us, “how are you doing Loki?” He asked.   
I sat and stared at him blankly. “You are Loki right?” he asked. Glancing up at Thor.   
“Aye it is Loki.” said the thunder god.   
I stretched once more with an uncontrollable yawn. “Interesting, your eye it’s red. Is that normal?” asked Bruce.   
“No it is not. I am curious about it myself, Loki if you could turn back and answer our questions that would be greatly appreciated.” requested Thor. I meowed annoyed but complying anyway, when I was back into my female body I was sat cross legged on Thor’s bed.   
“Oh your eye is still red.” stated Bruce.   
“Yes it is, it seems the spell might’ve messed with my glamour, it has left me with a red eye and teeth of an animal.” I said, showing him my pointed teeth.   
“Interesting.” muttered Bruce, his eyes a light with a gleam of curiosity.   
“You are acting pretty fine considering.” said Bruce after a while with a confused concerned frown.   
“Yes I would guess that it will all hit me in a while, I think it is a side effect of the spell. If my glamour does not fix itself by then then I would assume it’s been permanently damaged.” I said.   
Bruce frowned again.   
“Jarvis, keep an eye on Loki. notify Tony as well that she is awake.” said Bruce I felt a pang of annoyance at the blatant request to spy on me but I guess I don’t deserve privacy anymore in their eyes.   
I sighed and unfolded my legs I slipped off of Thor’s bed landing on my feet lightly.   
And I walked past Bruce without a word, I went out to the elevator Bruce and Thor following me confusedly.   
“Where did you get the dress?” asked Bruce. When I didn’t answer Thor answered for me with his best guess.   
“She must’ve conjured it with her magic, or perhaps she transformed her wardrobe.” said Thor. I do not think it would be best to tell them I stole it.  
The elevator started going up Jarvis already knowing where I wanted to go.   
The elevator dinged as we got to the kitchen I padded in and wandered to the counter conjuring a knife into my hand I uncovered the Fyrstekake. And cut myself a slice, Thor gasped.   
“Sister you made Fyrstekake!” he said excitedly padding over like a puppy. He reached out to grab a slice when I stopped him by cutting him with the knife he brought his hand to his chest and looked at me with a wounded look I felt slightly bad for causing that look but I carried on.   
“What must you say Thor.” I scolded.   
“May I please have a slice sister?” he implored obediently. I nodded satisfied and cut him a slice.   
“Bruce go grab a plate for myself and Thor and one for yourself if you want a slice I suppose. Please.” I said to the man he looked between me and Thor a bit confused and a bit alarmed by me cutting my brother, before he obediently went and grabbed the requested plates. I sighed and reached out for Thor’s hand and healed his wound.   
“Thank you sister.” said Thor I sent him a tight smile before accepting the plates from Bruce, I put a slice on the three plates and handed them to their respective person. I grabbed a fork for myself and dug in humming in satisfaction.   
“Sister this is truly good! Reminds me of the Fyrstekake mother used to make!” said Thor happily. Bruce hesitantly tried a bit before nodding and taking a bigger forkful and eating more.   
“It is pretty good.” said Bruce.   
“Thank you.” I said taking my plate to the table I began eating, it felt weird eating with my pointy teeth which I was not used to yet. Hopefully I do not have to grow used to it.  
“I see Lokister is up and about.” Said Tony entering the kitchen, he was covered in grime from his workshop and his eyes were framed by dark bags. He made his way to the coffee kettle and started brewing himself a cup, he leaned against the counter.   
“What do you all have there?” He asked.   
“Fyrstekake! Dear friend!” said Thor jovially.   
“Uh I have no idea what that is.” Said Tony.   
“It's like a cake I think.” said Bruce. I waved my hand and a knife cut Tony a slice plopping it onto a plate and hovering towards him.   
“Oh uh thanks princess.” said Tony accepting the plate from the green mist of my seidr.   
“How come you’re uh okay?” he asked.   
“It won’t last.” I said.  
“Okay” he said. Before yawning. He grabbed his newly filled coffee cup and he grabbed a fork before heading to the dining table and sitting a few chairs away from me.   
“How long were you up Tony?” asked Bruce.   
“Um... Jarvis time?” he requested.   
“6 am.” Said the British AI.   
“Well i didn’t sleep and I've been in the labs since dinner when ever that was.” Said Tony.   
Bruce sighed.   
“Tony surely that is not good for a mortal.” said Thor concerned by his friend. Tony took a moment to process what was said.   
“I’m offended you think I am a mere mortal.” Said Tony.   
“But you are.” I chimed in tiredly. He pointed his fork at me.   
“Take that back.” he said, before taking an aggressive bite of his slice of Fyrstekake.  
“Mmmm this is good.” he said in surprise. “You didn’t poison this did you?” he asked me while taking another bite.   
“In fact I did. Cyanide smells like almonds doesn’t it?” I said Bruce froze as Tony continued eating.   
“Uhhhh”   
“Kidding.” I said reassuring the man who had little faith in me.  
I finished my slice and sat back in my chair.   
I stood gracefully. “If you will excuse me I am still quite exhausted so I’ll be heading to my room to sleep. I assume my room is in sleeping order?” I asked them.   
“Um well, your door might be a tad broken but other than that yeah.” said Tony.   
I nodded and headed to the elevator to head to my room.  
Once inside my room I looked around, it was quite a mess all of my books were gone and my bed was haphazardly pushed against the wall. I sighed and changed out of the dress leaving myself relatively naked except for my boxers I got into my bed kicking my way under the covers.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW brief thought about self harm and suicide.

My body ached all over and that was what eventually woke me from my deep slumber.  
Once I had all my senses about me having shed the weight of sleep I noted immediately how much like utter shit I felt like. I was shaking not from the pain but from my nerves. I have seen men succumb too horrible pains and shaking spells from withdrawals from poisonous substances used to defeat them in battle, and I imagine that this is what that feels like.  
The numbness has worn off and frankly I want to die.  
It was worse than before. I wanted to hurt myself but I could not, not with Jarvis watching my every move now. Not when they are on look out for self destructive tendencies.  
I wanted to cry. I thought as I curled into a ball under my covers my hair bunching up underneath me as I rolled over onto my side and tucked my chin into my knees. I felt the press of my breasts to my legs, and that was such an odd feeling, sort of painful but not enough to be noteworthy.  
I sighed and bit my lip, chewing on the inside of my mouth as I stared at nothing. As horrors I had witnessed played at the back of my mind.  
My teeth being sharper than they usually were did not occur to me as I chewed, at least it didn’t occur to me till shortly after I began to taste blood well into my mouth.  
“Shit.” I cursed letting go of my lip and stopping my chewing I brought a hand to my mouth and noted that indeed there was blood in my mouth.  
I slowly got up stretching out my legs, my knees cracked. I must stay productive or I will drown.  
Must not let these horrors waste me away. I did not deserve to wallow after all.  
I had done enough of that when I learned the truth or the partial truth from Thor.  
Though I could not form the will to actually dress myself whether I did it manually or with seidr, so picking up the discarded sheet from the bed I wrapped myself in it. I wandered into the bathroom and turned on the sink the cold water on full blast I cupped my hands in it and drank from my hands washing away the coppery taste of blood.  
I swallowed the bloody water before drinking some clean water. I turned off the faucet and dried my hands. I wandered back out and stared at my room blankly. The room was quite a mess, perhaps I shall clean to pass the time before I can sleep again.  
I sighed and shed my sheet as it would get in the way. I bent down and began cleaning the mess on the floor.  
I set my bed back to its original spot at the wall and cleaned the bed. Once I was done I surveyed the room. The room looked quite sterile. I sighed and went searching for my Stark pad. I found it and picking up my sheet and wrapping it around myself again I sat on the bed my legs crossed and I opened up the Harry Potter movie not having finished it. Anything to distract my mind.  
I finished Harry Potter to quickly for my liking.  
“Miss Loki, Captain Rogers has requested you for breakfast.” Chimed Jarvis. I flinched and then blushed in embarrassment. I frowned as my gut rolled at the idea of food, but I doubt I would be let to not eat. I sighed once more.  
“Tell him I will be there in a minute.” I said.  
“Will do, Miss Loki.” said Jarvis before falling silent once more.  
“Jarvis, how many people will be there?” I asked with a feeling of anxiety I chewed at my thumb nail.  
“Captain Rogers, Dr Banner, Master Stark, Agent Romanov, and Mr Odinson.” Said Jarvis, no Barton once more and for that I am glad as it eases my anxieties somewhat.  
“Oh and Mr Happy Hogan.” chimed Jarvis. I frowned in confusion.  
“Who is Mr Happy Hogan?” I asked.  
“he works for Master Stark.”  
“Okay” I said plainly. I wonder why he is here.  
I got up off the bed setting down the Stark pad neatly onto the bed. I went to my closet. I did not feel like wearing a dress, especially that dress which felt odd to wear. I grabbed a green and black striped shirt and slipped it on. I was practically swimming in it which I did not mind in fact I was quite happy about this fact that way people wouldn’t be able to tell how boyish my female figure is. I grabbed the pants that I remember were called skinny jeans and I slipped them on they of course still hung low on my hips even though i had gained something on my hips from my female form, though not enough to call them womanly. Though the shirt was long enough it hid the awkward fit of the pants. Not bothering with socks or shoes I made sure I had all my knives available to me and I walked to the elevator at a leisurely pace. Not very eager to join them, but much sooner than I would’ve liked I found myself sitting at the dining table as the rest of the avengers sat awkwardly around the table like the first time I ate with them. It appears I was among the first to be at the table as Tony and Mr Hogan had not yet showed up.  
Steve suddenly appeared behind me making me flinch he sent me a look but I ignored it and whatever it meant as he reached to serve me some eggs.  
Banner cleared his throat awkwardly.  
“So has the shock worn off?” he asked.  
“Yes.” I stated simply picking up my fork and playing with my eggs.  
“You seem um okay-ish?” he said uncertainty.  
“Watching my memories did not trigger me into remembering if anything it was watching someone else being tortured still traumatizing but for different reasons and I assume someone not as well versed with gruesome sights would be in a worse state but I however am fine.” I said the last part a lie, I said this all briskly and shortly before shoving a forkful of eggs in my mouth. They tasted fine but they seemed to turn to ash in my mouth I grimaced and drank my water to wash them down.  
“Are the eggs bad?” asked Steve self consciously.  
“No. they are good.” I said shortly, looking down at my plate and avoiding the eyes of the four of them staring at me.  
“Would you like some more Fyrstekake sister? If the eggs are not to your liking.” said Thor helpfully. I nodded my head in assent. “Yes please, brother.” I said. Thor happily if wearily got up and went to get my a slice.  
“What’s um f-fryst-kake?” asked Steve stumbling on the name a bit.  
“It's a cake that mother used to make us.” Said Thor helpfully before carrying a plate back to me he set it down in front of me taking away my plate of eggs.  
“Thank you Thor.” I said quietly blushing at my neediness. Thor clasped the back of my neck in acknowledgement before carrying the plate to the kitchen sink where he dumped it in not bothering to wash it. I sighed sticking my fork in the cake it was still not appetizing but it was a whole lot more appetizing than eggs, I bit into the cake. It was familiar at least and brought some comfort.  
Tony and Mr Hogan walked in.  
“What's the drab mood for?” asked Tony boisterously. He then came around to the table and gasped. “She gets to eat cake for breakfast and I don’t get to drink for breakfast, I smell hypocrisy.” he said dramatically.  
“Tony, alcohol and cake are two very different things.” said Steve disapprovingly.  
“But you can get addicted to sugar as well.” Said Tony.  
“Having a cup of mead for breakfast is actually quite common in Asgard.” Said Thor helpfully.  
“Yes but Brother we- they’re gods, Tony is not.” I said. I am not a god anymore, I was never a god I was, am a monster  
“Some people would say otherwise.” Said Tony.  
“Gross.” said Natasha.  
“I think I would have to agree with Miss Loki.” Said Hogan finally saying something.  
Tony gasped. “Betrayed by my own bodyguard!” he exclaimed dramatically.  
“By the way princess nice look. Digging the red eye.” Said Tony I frowned in confusion.  
“I had the eye last night.” I stated in confusion as to why he was commenting on it now.  
“You did?” he said in confusion I nodded. “Huh, didn’t notice.” I was in fact quite concerned for Tony’s well being at this point, who does not notice something like that.  
“Did you all notice?” asked Tony looking around the table which a chorus of yes’s broke out from. Tony scowled before shrugging. “Oh well.” he said before getting himself breakfast and coffee he sat down awfully close to Thor, I narrowed my eyes at them. I took another bite off of my fork without taking my eyes off of them. I saw Thor beam at Tony. That look was familiar I've seen that look on his face when he was a teen and had a massive liking for Sif.  
I almost choked on my bite as I came to the realization.  
I blushed when all eyes were suddenly turned on me I drank from my water and cleared my throat.  
“Today I would like to um, go out.” I stated. “Into the city.” I added in case Thor wouldn’t understand weather on purpose or not.  
They all looked at each other.  
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” said Steve. I scowled.  
“Why not?” I asked snappishly.  
“Um” he said dumbly I scoffed and stood up.  
“I’m going out.” I said with no room for rebuttal.  
“Loki.” started Thor, but I glared at him and turned briskly and stepped forward.  
“Jarvis.” Started Tony but before he could even finish with his command I teleported out of the tower and down to the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will have Peter yay! but next chapter will have a big trigger warning so not so yay


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW suicide attempt. 
> 
> Yay Peter!

I thought for a brief second when all of the crowds of people assaulted my senses that this was a bad idea but I shook myself and tilted my head high. I didn’t even notice I was still barefoot when I began my adventure.

 

I did not come out here with the intention of self destruction, but it seems that path will follow me everywhere. I was dangling my feet off a the ledge of a very tall building. I peered down at the little trees the amount quite tiny as well as the size of the trees on the tree’s limbs were brownish orange leaves It must be Autumn then. I peered upon the tiny people, people the size of ants scurrying for cover from the rain. Some already had umbrellas. The weather had changed quite drastically and with it my mood turned sour the joy of being outside diminished almost instantly.   
I swung my feet back and forth looking up at the horizon. My hair was heavy and dripping plastered to my back, the rain water had soaked me quite quickly and my sweater had become heavy along with everything else I wore. The soles of my feet dripping watered down blood. They had ended cut up from walking barefoot, I had stepped on a many manor of things. I didn’t worry about diseases though as I would not be able to get most Midgardian diseases.   
However I could still get an infection though if everything goes to plan I do not need to worry about infection.   
I scooted closer to the edge of the building my stomach swooping with familiar instinctual fear.   
I heard a thud behind me and flinched I looked back and saw a small male body dressed in a superhero costume. Spider man, I remember seeing him among my research of Midgard.   
“please get away from the edge.” He said, his voice was quite young. I sighed and looked back at the horizon.   
“Why?” I asked swinging my legs my heels bouncing off the ledge.  
“W-why?” asked Spiderman.   
“Yes. why should I get away from the edge when this is where I want to be? Don’t worry i won’t be here on the edge for much longer if you would just leave.” I said making my intentions known.   
“Please don’t jump.” he said at a loss for words.   
I laughed humorlessly. “What's your name?” he asked   
“Loki. Yours?” I asked he faltered and did not answer of course he wouldn’t share his name with me.  
“You have so much to live for.” he said stuttering a bit.   
“Do I? You don’t know me, I could have one day left to live for all you know.” I drawled.   
“Well then live that day.” he said. I sighed and leaned back looking back at him.  
“You’re quite young to be a superhero aren’t you?” I asked.   
“You’re quite young to die aren’t you?” he asked me instead of answering. I scoffed.   
“I’m so much older than you.” I said. “And I have done a lot of horrible things in both my lifetimes. I have failed since the day I was born a monster abandoned by the monsters. Taken in by a greedy old man who did not want a monster for a child but still took one.” I said looking back out. “In the end all monsters must die.” I said my voice neutral. I look back at him.   
“Close your eyes, I’ll close mine. You won’t want to watch this.” I said closing my eyes before letting myself slip the last inch, I was falling. Like my older self. I guess I will always end up falling. Though this fall will be final. No second chances to fuck everything up. It seems I was proven wrong as my fall ended too quickly and not the way I was expecting I opened my eyes and looked down I was still a ways away from the ground I looked up at my wrist which had been wrenched painfully and I saw a web stuck to me I looked up following the line and saw Spiderman half dangling off of the roof.   
“Let go!” I shouted. This idiot he would fall with me?  
“No!” he said   
“Please, I’ll only fail again I’ll only mess up again if I live. I can’t do that! Please!” I shouted tears welling up. Spiderman slipped further off the roof the rain water reducing the friction necessary to keep him on the roof.   
“Peter! that's my name, I’m 15 and trust me Loki you have so much to live for, please!” He said, he slipped again. I could let him fall but he’s only 15 or I could help him. Shit.   
I clenched my eyes tight tears leaking out.  
“Fuck you!” I shouted at him before teleporting onto the roof and pulling him away from the edge. I hit him in the chest.   
“Fuck you” I said my voice breaking. My shoulders started to shake. The boy took off his mask, he was so young. I hit him again though this blow fell weak. I staggered as adrenaline left me light headed he caught me and eased me to the ground. I sobbed and he pulled me into a tight hug I fisted my hands into his suit and buried my face into his shoulder.   
“Fuck y--” I broke off into more sobs. He stroked back my hair.   
“You’re okay.” He said relieved. I sobbed harder into his shoulder.   
I don’t know how long I cried I just know that by the time I was done it had stopped raining.   
I pulled away from Peter and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand I brushed back my hair so my face was clear of hair.   
“You have really pretty eyes.” Said Peter, I looked up at him from my eyelashes, and blushed.   
“Um where do you live?” he asked with a stammer blushing as well at what he just blurted out. I sighed and looked out at the horizon.   
“Avengers tower.” I said.   
“O-okay. Umm I actually know Mr Stark.” He stammered. I looked at him.   
“Don’t tell him.” I said   
“I don’t, I think that I should, so uh you can get help, for this..” he finished lamely gesturing to our surroundings.   
“Please.” I said he sighed.   
“I won’t unless this happens again.” He said. I frowned.   
“How would you know if this happens, again. I wouldn’t do it this way again.” I said.   
“Well uh, I figure i’ll be seeing you around, because I spend a lot of time with Mr Stark.” he said.   
“You do?” I asked.   
“Yeah I was on a vacation with my Aunt that’s why I haven’t met you yet. I was actually supposed to go to the Avengers tower after school before patrolling but I…” he blushed.   
“I couldn’t wait, I’m glad though.” He added, I could not return the sentiment. But the mood has passed, somewhat.   
“So we could go back together?” he offered.   
“How?” I asked.   
“We could swing?” he said.   
“Swing?”  
“Yeah from my webs.” He said “so um… how come your a girl, and a teenager?” he asked.   
I sighed. “I’m um I think the term is gender-fluid and I can shape-shift, and I am a teenager because my punishment for trying to take over your world was to be transformed back to my teenage years around 15 if I was human.” I said tiredly.   
We sat in silence for a minute before the boy stood.   
“C’mon.” he said holding out a hand to me, I looked up at his offered hand and accepted it and stood. He looked at me.   
“You’re taller than me.” he said dumbly.   
“Yeah, I am a giantess.” I said humor in my voice.   
“Well then you’re short.” he remarked.   
“I am the runt.” I said a pang of something sour coiled in my chest but I ignored it the best I could.  
Peter looked out in the direction to Avengers tower.   
“Um so I’m going to have to like carry you, probably piggy back.” he said.   
“I don’t understand, what is a piggy back?” I asked.   
“Oh well, so you uh hop onto my back and wrap your legs around my waist and your arms around my neck or uh shoulders so you don’t choke me.” He said.   
“This seems very undignified.” I remarked thinking about teleporting back crossed my mind but I did not want to get there before him so I complied hopping up onto his back. I wrapped my limbs around him and pushed my head into the juncture of where his neck met his shoulder. I my eyes were growing itchy from the salty tears drying. The boy grunted slightly from my weight but quickly recovered, positioning me to his liking.   
“Um hold tight.” he said before hopping off the building, my stomach swooped and I wondered if he saved me only to get us both killed but I was proven wrong when the same white stringy substance from earlier shot from his wrist and stuck to a nearby building. We swung, he released and proceeded to stick once again to another building. He repeated this pattern till we were at Avenger tower outside the kitchen on the platform outside. Peter let go of me and I let go of him sliding off his back elegantly. I landed on my feet lightly, I felt a tad dizzy from the adrenaline of this day so I stood still, not wanting to collapse. I looked into the kitchen and sighed, I looked back at Peter before transforming into a cat. I meowed at him before trotting inside, the doors sliding open obediently to our presence.   
Leaving him shocked into silence wide eyed watching me.   
“I see Lokitty has returned.” remarked Tony, I jumped into the air having not seen him I looked at where he was standing behind the bar and I hissed at him arching my back.   
“Sorry.” he said raising his hands in surrender, I sniffed at him but trotted over hopping onto the bar counter I stretched lazily before bobbing my head into his hands.   
I find being affectionate easier in this form.   
He ran a hand down my spine and I arched into his touch.   
“Ugh you’re dripping everywhere.” he said no real annoyance in his voice, there was something else tinting his voice. Relief?  
He picked me up and I hissed slightly before grumpily settling.   
“How come you haven’t magic’d yourself dry?” he asked like I could answer while in this form… I mean I could but I don’t really want to, half of the reason I go into this form is that I don’t have to speak and I don’t have to really follow any sort of social standards. And to answer his question I am too tired to spend energy on stuff like that when I will just dry in 10 minutes anyway, and what is ten minutes to a god... monster. Tony cradled me to his chest I was pressed into his metal heart a little painfully but I did not pay it any mind.   
“Peter! Great to see ya kid! How was the vacation?” asked Tony. Peter must’ve finally gotten over the shock and come in.   
“Uh it was great Mr Stark. Thanks for the vacation, Aunt May really needed it.” Said Peter stammering a bit. He eyed me a little sadly. I yowled to get Tony to put me down.   
He was not paying attention however so I nipped his hand making him drop me. I landed gracefully on my paws and glared back at him sauntering away, out of the kitchen. As I left I heard Peter add.   
“May said to tell you that you owe her a lot more than a vacation.” he stammered.   
I hurried out into the hall transforming back to myself I went into the elevator and directed Jarvis to send me to my room. I don’t want to be in the company of others, I want to lay in my bed and pretend I am dead, or in a coma either would be preferable.   
I got to my room and stripped out of my sopping clothes, I left them on the floor and wrung out my hair completely naked I got to my bed and shimmied under the covers bringing them up to my chin and I curled into a ball and sighed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda crap. I'm sorry.

There was a knock at my door the door I had fixed with my seidr last night after regaining some energy. “Loki?” called out a female’s voice, Natasha. It was the next day and at some point during the night my body had shifted to its gender neutral shape. I stretched out under my covers my toes curling as I yawned.   
“Yes?” I called back out quietly. The door opened a crack and Natasha peaked her head in.   
Seeing me in my bed she walked in.   
“There’s a visitor here to see you.” she said. Her red hair was pulled back into a braid down her back and she was wearing workout gear her face a little red from probably exertion.   
I frowned in confusion. “Who?” I asked she smiled secretly.   
“You’ll have to see for yourself. Get dressed and meet me out in the hall.” she said before retreating back out the door. I contemplated not getting up and wallowing in a ball of depression but my curiosity won out so I slipped out of bed going to my closet I looked at my choices not really liking any of it as it was too much fabric I did not want on my skin I slipped into a pair of boxers and grabbed the dress slipping that on I smoothed down the fabric running a hand through my unkempt curls I grabbed a hair brush and brushed it out snagging on a few painful knots I pulled hard hearing the snap as some hairs broke off from my effort. Once my hair was tamed I slipped out of my room barefoot, the bottom of my heels scabbed from yesterday.   
It made a scraping noise against the flooring.   
I curled my arms over my flat chest. Following Natasha to the elevator I figured that my visitor is probably Peter though why would it be shrouded in secrets then? The elevator stopped and the doors slid open with a ding revealing the communal room. Before I could step out Natasha stopped me with a hand to my shoulder. I looked at her.   
“Remember if you feel at all uncomfortable, you can leave. If you say the word he’ll disappear.” she said and for some reason I got the impression that when she said disappear she meant so much more than making him leave.   
I was suddenly filled with anxiety who the fuck was it.   
She relented her grasp on me and I anxiously walked out with her hovering behind me. I spotted him. It was Frank, and he was holding a heavy looking back that was stuff to the brim with something colorful. I looked back at Natasha with a frown. Why was he here?  
She smiled at me and I looked back at Frank who sheepishly rubbed his head.   
“Hi” he said awkwardly his voice just as gruff as before but a different gruff than his rampage voice.   
“Hi” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear I hugged my rib cage. “Um what are you doing here?” I asked.   
“I uh wanted to apologize, for freaking out. Uh Black Widow explained the situation to me.” he said he rubbed his face.   
“Shit. I’m bad at this.” he muttered he seemed to remember that he was holding a bag and he quickly thrusted it out to me.   
“I uh made this for you. Or well Red helped but um yeah.” he said awkwardly I have no idea who red is but I accepted the bag wearily I looked inside. It was quite heavy like if I had to guess around 16 pounds. I lifted the colorful fabric out of the bag the bag fell away as I lifted the very heavy, blanket? It was a rainbow.   
“Um so it’s a weighted blanket. I have one and I really like it, I figured you were going to have a lot of shit to work through mentally and well it helps me. so i figured you could try it.” he ended awkwardly a look of frustration on his face I peered at him with a look of surprise suspicion and I don’t even know what else I held the blanket close to my body.   
Frank looked over my shoulder at Natasha when I did not say anything and he sighed his shoulders slumping a little.   
“I’ll go.” he said his voice too quiet. He turned getting ready to make his way to the stairs.  
“Wait.” I said in my panic. He stopped moving and turned back around.   
“I uh--- stay.” I said fumbling over my words. My brain to noisy to articulate.   
“Ya sure?” he asked hesitantly I set my face into a determined look and nodded. I looked back at Natasha and she seemed to get the memo as with a smile she left.   
“You’re not mad at me?” I asked him. He frowned.   
“Mad at you?” he asked.   
“Yeah.”   
“No I’m not. I get it. Look when I realized who you were I thought you were trying to trick me. I didn’t think you were actually a kid.” he said.   
“I’m a teenager and I’m way older than you” I said snipply at the kid remark, he raised his hands in surrender.   
“Fair.” he said. He rubbed the back of his neck.   
“Look, Red says I have trust issues, so I’m sorry for piling my shit on you.”   
“You say that word a lot.” I remark.   
“What word?” he asked with a frown.   
“Shit.” I said.   
“Shit, don’t say that word.” he said.   
“You did it again.” I said and he huffed amused.   
“So uh want to watch a movie?” I asked. Frank looked around before settling on me again he shrugged.   
“Sure why not. What movies you got?” he asked. I shrugged not being well versed in movies yet.   
“Jarvis?” I asked the AI. Frank looked confused.   
“Master Stark has a fair amount of movies on DVD but he also has every channel available including Netflix, Hulu, HBO and Amazon.” said Jarvis. Frank upon hearing the AI immediately tensed up reaching for something before realizing there was nothing for him to reach for he looked around tensely.   
“That’s just Jarvis he’s an Artificial intelligence.” I told Frank reassuringly. He nodded curtly still tense I walked over draping the blanket onto my shoulder I took Franks hand and lead him to the TV room.   
I pointed to the couch. “Sit and pick a movie.” I told him   
He huffed but sat down. “uhhhhh Princess Bride.” He said. I settled into the couch a good amount away from him.   
Jarvis began to play the movie on the TV and Frank startled a bit. I draped the weighted blanket around myself and snuggled into it. It was quite relaxing, like a hug. I looked over at Frank who was sitting stiffly on the other end of the couch.   
He doesn’t hate me. How. I lead aliens to his planet I destroyed half of New York I would’ve enslaved them all under the Mad Titans reign and based on my memories he was not somebody you wanted to be working for.   
This is baffling to me.   
“There’s a perfectly good TV screen right there, might be more entertaining than watching me.” Said Frank jolting me out of my thoughts, I blushed when I realized I had been staring at him this whole time. I borrowed further into my blanket and looked at the TV to watch the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I am socially awkward yet? I don't talk a lot unless I talk about fandom so I don't really know how normal conversations go.   
> Sorry again for the crap chapter. On a different note.   
> I have been binge watching Good Omens and I'm almost done with it. I love it so much so far! especially Crowley and Aziraphale. Those two are so fucking adorable! Don't be surprised if I make a Good Omens reference in this.

**Author's Note:**

> this is like the first time I've wrote a story in the perspective of non OC characters, and well I think I did horribly. If anybody has some tips on how to write the characters so they are more canon please share!


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